Black Girl Rant #6: Like Crabs In A Bucket..

..some would rather kill themselves trying to keep others down, rather than to use that same effort to try to claw to the top with them. A shame.

I was just recently talking to a guy that I had met about 2 years ago. Of course the situation started out great, we just meshed. Or so it seemed. He turned out to be the most draining, needy, and manipulative individual I had ever met in my life. The crazy thing about the situation though was that I just couldn’t seem to leave him alone. He was such a parasite, and I knew it, but I just couldn’t pull myself away from the situation. I couldn’t let it go until finally he said to me over the phone…

I do just enough to keep you around. You’re a really good girl, but you know I ain’t ready to be in a relationship right now…I know I’m fucked up, but I don’t want you to go and find someone else…

o_O    really ninja?

That’s what’s hot in the streets?

Not only did this ignorant ass negroe not want to commit to me, he also was full of sh!t and knew it, AND he didn’t want me to meet someone a real man who would treat me right. Some people have the audacity to believe that their own emotional baggage is more important than anything else in their life, and is important to others as well. He made me laugh that day, and everyday after that. I promptly erased his number and suggested that he never call me again. Not in those words, but you get the point.  No one is ever worth giving up your happiness, you should never give anyone the power to pull you down to their negative level. It took me awhile to realize certain things, but I’m glad I eventually learned. Misery loves company….and when it knocks, I try not to be home.

Black Girl Rant #5: DMV Traffic

                                                                        “Can I live?”

If you just so happen to live in the lovely DC Metro Area, then you have definitely had the honor of being stranded for hours at a time on endless highway in…..TRAFFIC. I hate it. Abhor it. And so eagerly wish it would cease….I mean really, what CAUSES TRAFFIC?

So, I’m driving to my dad’s house in DC (I live MUCH further south), and I have the sudden urge to use the restroom. #FAIL. Not just the urge where you know you can hold it for another 30 – 45 minutes..oh no, this is the urge where if I don’t go immediately “it’s” going to let go FOR me. So I try to plan ahead, have a set plan of action if an emergency arises and I have to pull over and go to a gas station or hotel or SOMETHING. The only problem…I’m sitting in 395 N traffic, on a saturday, in the middle lane, with a 2 year old in the car. Yep, I’m screwed. The funny thing about this area is that DMV traffic is not like anyother kind of traffic, where you just KNOW the reason must be an accident, scheduled construction, temporary blockage of a lane. NOPE. In this area the main source of traffic comes from………………..

1. A police car that pulled someone over on the side of the road.

I can NOT for the life of me understand why people feel the need to immediately slam on their breaks because they see a police car…on the side of the road…that pulled SOMEONE ELSE over…..10 cars ahead. This makes me question the mental capacity of the driver at question, and I immediately proceed to put my turn signal on to change lanes. I don’t need another driver’s stupidity and lack of intelligence to be the cause of my demise. I know I’m not the only person who realizes that if the policeman/woman apprehended someone ELSE, chances are they aren’t checking for YOU going 5 over the speed limit. #whogoncheckmeboo? I guess common sense aint so common.   

2. People talking on their phones.

I’m human. I can admit that I occasionally talk on my phone while driving. But I will NOT however forget that I am behind the wheel of the vehicle. That’s just ridiculous. I thought we as a society had evolved successfully into having the ability to properly multitask. If you can’t focus on the road maybe you should consider …ummm… NOT TALKING ON THE PHONE. Now you have 20 cars behind you that want to throw rocks at your window because they can’t pass you. Does that make you feel powerful? Ugghh..

3. Elderly people and/or New drivers that don’t realize they are going 40 in a 65.

Speaks for itself.

OR…

4. Stupidity.

Slow driving. Cutting people off only to drive even slower than the person you were behind. Rain. Snow. Fog. A slight breeze. Any reason that has anything remotely to do with the weather is ALWAYS cause for traffic. I don’t get it.

So thankfully I made to DC before my body did “it’s functions”.….(I’m too old to be explaining accidents!) But I realized I needed to start catching the Metro and maybe consider investing in a bicycle. My sanity is seriously depleting. It’s to the point now where I plan events, trips and things I do during the day AROUND heavy traffic hours. It’s sad. #Kanyeshrug.

Does anyone else hate traffic as much as I do? What are the REAL reasons that traffic occur?? Is anyone selling a bike?

Black Girl Rant #4 :The “New” Gangsta

                                                                                    SMH.  #KILLYOSELF …

They are everywhere. Lurking in the shadows with their big water guns and bags of oregano narcotics. They make us laugh cry when they brag and boast about the crimes they’ve committed…and no tresspassing is NOT a felonious crime! They sit in college stairwells….IN GROUPS!  :side eye:. Churches. High Schools, HELL…I just found out there were some in the Military (rep yo squad son!!) . Yes, I’m referring too…DUN DUN DUN …”Gangstas“. No, sadly  I’m not referencing Al Capone, Lucky Luciano, or the Gambinos…the REAL gangsters they RAN they shit! I’m talkin about the homo New Generation Thugs roaming the streets and taking over the media Drake, Lil Wayne, Plies…. SMH. Al Capone never wore skinny jeans when he was running the streets of the Big Apple. Frank Lucas wasn’t hiding behind the guise of Twitter and Facebook getting revenge on his enemies…that’s ridiculous…and also one of my main motivations for even attempting to write this post. It’s 2010 people..open a book! 

But I digress,  I’ve compiled reasons why these imposters are definitely NOT gangstas…. and I actually had to condense my list for the sake of this post…this generation is just so embarrassing….

231. Skinny Jeans and Smeduim Tees belong on cute little 14 year old girls who cut pictures out of magazines, NOT Gangstas…It probably took you twenty-three minutes just to squeeze into them. How do you feel like a man with jeans on that are tighter than mine. I can see the numbers on your bank card….through your wallet….and your jeans. Yea buddy, thats how tight they are. I wouldnt even be able to take a guy like that seriously…I can hear him say, ” Gimme all your money right now!” I would laugh and say “Your a JERK!” Doing the little hippity- hoppity dance thing they do…Boy go sit down.

232. Facebook is for socializing and NOT for you to threaten to “beat that ass” when you see them in the streets…thats not even considered verbal harassment…you TYPED IT! Laughable at best. Did you really feel like a man cussing them in your status?  That’s ignorant is what it is…GROW SOME CAHONES. What happened to the days of picking up bricks and smashing out heads windows?

233. Associating with people who are “gangstas” or are involved in a life of crime, does not mean that you are automatically one…it’s not gonna rub on you through osmosis. Your “mans-and-em” got 40 glocks and AKs…you dont. They smack people up if they dont get their money..you watch. Catch the drift? When has it ever been cool to risk your freedom so you can LOOK like a G? Oh, nevermind….thats why Lil Wayne is serving a year. I guess common sense isn’t so common…#kanyeshrug. 

234. The O.G.’s from 40- 50 years ago were actually smart…you on the other hand couldn’t sell a thong to a stripper. They had empires, and cars, and nice clothes. So why are you “slanging them thangs” out of your grandmom’s basement? That’s not very bright. Go read a law book. That is ALL I will say about that one.

Now, I am in no way condoning this “gangsterdom lifestyle” or “gangsterism” as a whole…I am just simply saying that some people need to stop trying so hard to be what they aren’t. There are so many other things people could be doing with their time, like reading a book, writing a short story….hell, go take a walk with an elderly person. But being a gangsta is NOT what’s hot in the streets….especially not homo fake one.

SN: Please tell me that video at the top didn’t make you think of Charlie Murphy getting his behind whooped in basketball by Prince? :memory courtesy of The Chapelle Show:

Black Girl Rant #3: Self- Sabotage

                     “It’s like a disease”

I like to call myself a master of observation. I often go through situations in life, and then only after witnessing others go through the same thing  do I realize what I would have done better. I guess I’m not the only person who goes through this same process, I like to call it the “glass house” effect. Radical extremes of this occur when a person will go through blatantly destructive situations as if nothing is wrong, and then when someone else goes through the same thing will have the ability to pinpoint where that person went wrong and how to fix it. :side eye: Their are many forms of sabotage, I would like to call that one “social sabotage”. I deal with people occasionally who bombard their minds with these thoughts and ideals that are generally considered “radical” or “strange”, but done solely for shock value or a sense of individualism. No one wants to be alone for the rest of their lives, everyone needs love. Only the emotionally disturbed are unaware of the need for social interaction.

Enough rambling, I digress…

There are two particular forms of sabotage that irk me to the 9th degree and I wish could be erased and never to be seen again…

1. Self Sabotage: aka “I don’t need anyone so I’m going to hate the world, and then get mad when the world hates me.”  This kills me…this and people who pretend to be what they aren’t, neither of which will get you very far in life, but who am I to point fingers?  Everyone does it, we’re human…the game changer is acknowledging this as a flaw and growing from it. Associating with negative individual’s or only entertaining one’s self with negative thoughts is a huge form of self- sabotage..STOP IT! Dont’t talk badly about the only apparent friend you have  behind their backs, but still cling to them like stockings on a polyester skirt…its not healthy, and definitely not cute. In some countries people get their tongues cut off for such acts. Maybe. Purposely rejecting any type of opportunities to advance one’s self mentally, socially, or otherwise is also another destructive act. Granted, some people don’t want to advance. People become complacent and want to keep the mentalities they’ve always had. Cool, you like it…I love it. Just keep your small mind ..over there –>. There is too much in this world to experience to be stuck on irrelevant situations, causing my blood pressure to boil and such. RUDE. But whatevs, all I can do is try to be the best person I can be and try not to burn any bridges….I may fall short a majority of the time but #kanyeshrug “let me be great”….

I kind of got lost in this next form of sabotage…I think I need a whole ‘notha post. SMH.

Black Girl Rants #1…

“kanye shruggin’ my life away in these streets!”–please note the look on her face..PRICELESS!

SO, this snow storm here in the DMV has been absolutely disastrous if that’s a word I can even use to describe it. Being stuck in the house with 3 other people (including a 2 year old) for 4  days certainly tested my religion sanity and mental capacity. I literally was ready to pull on my snow boots, wrap up in 14 layers of clothing and hitch hike to the nearest mall or restaurant for a very strong drink break/ necessary breather. Besides having to watch the Lifetime channel as if it were going off the air (thanks mom!), I was annoyed with life thanks to my younger brother and his weird friends who decided it would be fun to hide all my “essential feminine hygeine ” items from me to show me how “they” did it back in the day. Who the HECK is “they”. #FML

But I digress. I am so happy to be able to blog without distractions. With this new found freedom from the blizzard I am able to let go of a week’s worth of pent up frustration and aggression, although there are MANY ways to relax I find that writing does something to me that makes me feel like my words have an impact.

With that being said, let me first let all who read my blog know how much I absolutely abhor (google it!) fake people and liars among other things. There is absolutely NO excuse for any person on this planet to pretend to be something they are not for ANY amount of time unless your C. Brown and your alter ego is HULK. I mean truly I feel as though I really dont ask alot of the people that I associate myself with. There are two general rules : Be yourself at all times, and Don’t lie to me. Okay, being yourself at all times may be hard if you truly don’t know WHO you are as a person to begin with. But lying…no bueno. Lying to someone would suggest that you think lesser of their intelligence because you feel as though you will get away with it, which suggests that they wouldnt find out, which would suggest that you are smarter than the person you lied to. So you think I’m dumb now? :neck rolls and hip clutches implied: I have mentioned this before, I hate when people insult my intelligence. Lying to me implies that you are, so please be prepared for a roundhouse kick to the face and I DARE you to cry after I do it!

Which leads to me The Dud..we’ll call him The Dud because according to Yahoo’s definition a Dud is: A broken or nonfunctional device that does not perform its intended function. A  bit harsh? Absolutely. Do I care? Absolutely not. So me and The Dud went out a couple times, hit it off, and sort of clicked if you would. This particular guy basically treated me as if I were the queen of a small island, and then just as quickly, it felt like he left me on the island and then got on the boat and waved at me as he drifted off. #fail. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a very secure female and I feel if a situation doesn’t fit don’t force it. But sometimes the couth of some people amazes me. Instead of being basic, why not have class and dignity in every situation? I guess we all can’t think quick on our feet. Or think at all for that matter. At this age though, I feel like I should NEVER burn bridges or walk away from any situation feeling like I have wronged someone. Karma is THAT bish, and I’m not trying to feel her wrath.  So quickly I realized that he had fallen victim to the Fake1N1 Flu Strand that was running rampant in the DMV. Now, I know it took alot of words to make my point, but the point is BE YOURSELF and BE HONEST about how you feel and what’s on your mind, because at the end of the day you may find that the things that you do to others is a direct reflection of how you may feel about yourself…apparently he didn’t think very highly of himself….or his performance. :sigh:

But ummmm…on to my the rest the things that made my blood pressure rise:

- When people say “its the thought that counts”-

      hey guess what?…its NOT the thought that counts. If that were the case I would just think really really hard into a ziplock bag and wrap it in a pretty box with a bow for my mom for the holidays. No bueno. I would probably get judo chopped in the neck, because she is eagerly awaiting her 300 + dollar Coach Purse and matching scarf not the fact that I “thought” about it. Just sayin. 

- The media bashing of Tiger Woods-

     IMO, Tiger isn’t paying my bills, sleeping in my bed, or going half on a baby with me, so his indiscretions don’t change my life in any way. Nor anyone else’s in the world besides his wife. He is a grown man who cheated on his wife over a million times, but he is still an excellent athelete if golf were a sport. Why can’t we just “let him be great”? – Thanks Kanye.

- UGG boots and shorts/skirts in the winter-

     You KNOW your legs are cold. STOP FAKIN! Enough said.

Okay, I feel good about my life now. Please enjoy the rest of your day!

Congratulations…YOU suck!

“awwww…black love infactuation”

SO, maybe im not the easiest person to get along with. Or maybe my attitude ISNT at its best 24/7. Eh, maybe I CAN be a little rude and abbrasive to people when its not warranted. But, aside from all of those things i’ve learned alot from being single black female. IT SUCKS. Now, dont get me wrong, i’m not one of those females who falls into relationships to avoid being single. And lord KNOWs i’m definitely not one to thrive on male attention, or be bitter about past experiences that i’ve gone through with men. No bag lady am I. NOPE.  Behind all of the razor wire and cement lies a huge heart…AWW shut the hell up. And recently I have found someone to make me smile. Not smile like “aww he’s cute”, but really smile because i’m happy. deeply happy….”lol smiley face”. It may sound corny, but not alot of men these days are actual men gentlemen, and even more are in fear of communication. But miraculously I have found those things in this one person and then some. Maybe its a little early to say it will stay this way…but WHATEVS, i’m feeling good about it for now. But the point of this post is DEFINITELY not to gas his head up, but rather to explain some things i’ve learned about myself while going through this whole process of finding someone that makes me smile. He’s slowly melting my heart…Congratulations, YOU SUCK!

#1: Don’t stand in your own way.

Nothing is worse than seeing a female who will do anything to get a mans attention. Sleeping with a guy will definitely NOT make him walk away after humping a late night with you thinking “damn homie, i need to wife her RIGHT NOW!”. Chances are he is thinking the total opposite. Some females should just master being and loving themselves, because in the history of man real has ALWAYS recognized real. ALWAYS. Also, some people should be more optimistic in their lifestyles. Who wants to be with someone who is depressed and miserable all the damn time. I know I don’t, that ish is NOT whats hot in the streets. So please people, step out of the way of yourselves. Let someone break those walls of china down. ASAP.

#2: First impressions ARE important.

Think before you speak. Check your actions. Brush your teeth regularly. Iron your damn clothes! Although these things may sound very obvious, you would be so suprised at the number of people I know who dont know/do this. Whatever the occasion, always be prepared. As sad it may seem people judge you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. How you carry yourself will make a huge impact on how people deal with you. Some people kill me thinking that they can fake and pretend their way into someone liking their personality. Fakeness has the stench of a effin skunk, so before you open your mouth with ish just make sure you brush your teeth afterwards. I commend a man who can be blatantly honest with me about things while still showing compassion (wink wink). It must be a learned skill..lol

#3: Don’t ignore the RED FLAGS!

If a man tells you he doesn’t want a girlfriend, and you know deep down you are looking for a relationship…RUN!

If a man tells you he has a crazy ex, and he can’t leave her alone because of X-Y-Z…RUN!

If he treats his momma like poo…RUN!

If he only calls you between the hours of 10pm-7am to come watch a “movie”…RUN!

Your intuition screams at you when something isn’t right, and more often than not if it doesnt sound/look/feel right it usually isn’t. So drop him like diddy’s pant..Just sayin.

#4: Keep your standards realistic.

Self-explanatory. You can’t walk into a luxury dealership with Hundai money and expect to walk out with a top of the line Bugatti. By no means am I saying settle for anyone with good D looks, I’m just stating that you can only ask for what you are giving. I’ve had so many conversations with females who will only want to date guys with degrees, nice cars, own place, no kids…BUT they stay with big mama, take the bus, and have 3 kids. CAH-RAZY. Enough said.

#5: NO ONE is perfect.

No man/woman is perfect. It’s just a matching game of which personalities fit together the best. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has a past. Judging based on instances that occured before the person met you is so elementary. I live by the mantra “I am perfectly, imperfect”. So either like them or leave them alone. No one is a magical wizard, you CAN NOT change anyone but yourself. Take heed.

Anymore advice for those coping with single life? Did I miss any key elements of mastering the dating game? Does anyone agree with my key points? Is it different for men and women?

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