League of “UN-extraordinary” Gentlemen

                                                                    “No bueno.”

             We are quickly approaching a New Year, 2010 is upon us. Thankfully, with a New Year brings new beginnings, new visions, new ways of thinking. I am not one to stand on a soap-box, declaring ALL men evil and undatable…but damn, in the DC area it’s almost impossible to find a “decent” man to call your own. “Decent” meaning not gay, involved seriously with someone, or without excessive baggage. These are hard times man..we are in a damn recession, so people need to buckle down and not waste time on these unnecessary leeches of time and energy. These men I have labeled…dun dun dun…The League of UN-extraordinary Gentlemen.

             These men are everywhere you are, sitting next to you in class, at the grocery store, or you may even be friends with them on Facebook, Twitter, or some other form of social crack media. I have had the personal disadvantage of being involved in some way with one or more of these characters, but fortunately I have the common sense to know how to not repeat my mistakes..(Thank you mom for the common sense lessons!) ..Whatever the case may be we as women need to know the signs to avoid and the nasty leeches to detach from permanently before they drain us of our youth and beauty. All need to be avoided like the plague, and some banished from society until further notice…do not pass go and DO NOT collect 200 dollars…

“Mr. Rebound”- This guy is anxoius to get over the ex that did him wrong. Prove a point. Settle a grudge. Whatever the case may be,  these particular men multiply like gremlins in this area. So anxoius to “dive deep” into another situation with a different female, they arent able to witness the weight of their own baggage. A female can usually notice a few key red flags within the first couple of weeks of going out with this guy. He may constantly make a point to detail all of the flaws his ex may have had, claiming that those were all the things he despised. Or he may be the weirdo that subconsciously describes all the things that you do that reminds him of her…In either case ditch this dodo bird. He is not worth the time or energy due to the fact that he is not over her, this situation is destined to no-where-fast-ville very quickly. THERE ARE SNAKES ON THIS PLANE!! 

“Mr. Afraid of Growing Up Committment” – In my opinion these men deserve the least amount of respect. Atleast the other men can get a mini pass due to the fact that their ignorance and lack of common sense is clouding their judgement. But this ninja right here is KNOWINGLY doing things to sabotage a situation, or lack thereof. SMH. This guy will do all the things a boyfriend would do and more, but will NEVER put a label on it out of “fear”. He will take the female out on dates, has deep conversations about life, even goes so far as being totally exclusive to said female. But mention the thought of a relationship and they lose it under the pressure like Tiger Woods behind the wheel of his SUV on the night he “dropped the ball”. I crack myself up.  But all jokes aside, I personally feel as though no one is afraid of committment, thats bull. This man is just a control freak, a control freak that wants someone else to be vulnerable and powerless while they manipulate the situation to their benefit. I.E, childish. This is a horrible cycle to break..boy meets girl, boy “acts” like a boyfriend to girl, girl falls for boy, boy backs away, girl stops investing time and loses respect for guy, guy feels threatened, and meets another girl to fall into the same cycle all over. The point to all of this is to run quickly from these guys..they need time to sit in a corner to wait until their balls drop a little more to take risks and learn lessons in life. Just sayin. You can’t take over the world Pinky, GET OVER IT.

“Mr. GQ” – This is the guy that feels like his brand new 2010 model Lexus, and condo in the city entitles him to any female he wants. Negative. They lack a grasp on reality, he is definitely “tricking cause he got it”. As attractive as these men may be and successful as he may seem, more than likely these are the ones that are the most insecure and are trying to feel a serious void. On top of that, he probably adores the attention females give him for all of his  material possesions, thus giving a reason not to commit. You may notice that he is constantly bragging about all of his irrelevant possessions, and more than likely has no real personality or depth. These guys try so hard to prove how much they can spend and what they have, that they dont realize that a conversation with them is like talking to your OBGYN during a regular exam. UGGGHH…what a waste.

“Mr. Disappearing Act”- I have never personally been in this situation but I have had conversations with females that have. How and why this occurs I may never know or care. But these guys are the ones who will go months without calling, texting, or even emailing..and then out of the blue will suddenly call wanting to “chill”. Where-they-do-that-at? Definitely not over here..thats ridiculous. Our generation has absolutely no couth or purpose sometimes. I jokingly told my friend that maybe the guy got kidnapped and was fighting for his life on some deserted island for months and that maybe  she was the first person he wanted to see when he swam to freedom. She didnt laugh.  #Kanyeshrug

“Mr. Last Year”- This situation is possibly due to some glitch in the matrix, and needs to be corrected ASAP. This is the ex that USE to be good and for some reason the situation ended. But over and over again he keeps coming back into the picture. Usually he hasn’t accepted the fact that you have let go, and due to the extreme comfortability of the situation you allow him to stay around. The situation is a recipe for disaster for all parties involved. Recycling men due to weakness is a no-go for 2010… Do like Whitney Houston did, just let it all go.

Are there any other men that need to be avoided like the plague? I’m sure women fall into these categories also, so men did I miss anything? Are there hybrids to these labels?


6 Responses to League of “UN-extraordinary” Gentlemen

  1. lovedelusional says:

    Now here is a guy we have in my neck of the woods.

    I want to call him a Womanizer, maybe you can better help me describe this one:

    Now its easy to be fooled, some women think they have met a womanizer but these guys aren’t dicks that make it a point to tell you what will happen, does it, then get up after having sex with you, put on their clothes and goes home. A real womanizer is a really nice guy, who goes the whole nine; You meet these guys at the bar or club or really any social event. They are good dancers, they are funny, they always have a wingman, whether it be his brother, his best friend or other relative and these guys are hot, they know what to say, they know how to make you laugh, the banter and joking around, they know how to have a good time and they do not, must I repeat do not, come off as the man-whores they are. These are the guys you and your friends know what you are getting into, you know what the end of the night is going to look like, no strings attached.

    This guy will either be the one to be all over you while walking to your car or he will be the one to engage you in conversation -“tell me a little about yourself”. He will either be trying to take your pants off on the way to your or his place or he will talk to you for hours before actually doing the deed, the first guy will most likely get your number before leaving the social event and he will give you his because of course he will be expecting you to call him in a couple of days to see why he hasn’t called you. Guy number 2 wont get your number at the social event because he wants to come off as the more reserved of the two, he wants you to feel like he wants to get to know YOU, not get inside your pants and when you do end up sleeping together he wants to look into your eyes as if there was a bond forming. The next morning these guys will be laid back, chill, act as if they don’t have anywhere to be, ask you about your night, ask if you had fun and talk to you a little more about themselves, get to know you a little bit more, they make you feel like they will actually call you and the reserved one will get your number prior to leaving, like he’s really going to call you.

    These guys mind-fuck you, they tell you about themselves and why they haven’t found the one, how they just want to settle down and start a family, buy a home…white picket fence…the yard…the dog and at the end of the night or the next morning, instead of thanking you for a good time for the night before and leave it at that, these guys get your number, but they don’t call you, they do text though and they will. It will be about a week after your hook-up and it will be a “hey stranger” text, seeing how your doing, maybe give you a little insight to what they are up too. These guys expect for you to do the chasing and when you don’t, you wont hear from them again.

  2. swade513 says:

    you have definitely hit the nail on the head with this one…apparently the good women like me should just sit in the house and watch old reruns all night…lol :rolls eyes:

    But seriously this is very typical, and its funny because there are so many womanizers running around rampant that do these same things as a hobby every weekend…SMH. 2o10 is a time for change..

  3. Slim Jackson says:

    Coincidentally, I already wrote a reply to this.lol. Gotta love the blog world. Good post though. For real.


    • swade513 says:

      @ Slim- I read your post and it really interested me, I saw it on your site awhile ago…I guess this was sort of a reply to what I read and the horrible men I had come in contact with in this area…So sad. But thanks for the compliment..and I’m anxious for your site to come back up! Reading the posts were a highlight to my mornings…

  4. Diety78 says:

    You forgot to mention ‘Mr. Old School Playa’ of the year. The bottom feeders who hawk and stalk the young women at the local high shcools and college campuses. This dude is the epitomy of “Dolamight” and “Superfly”. He’s been in this game for a hot minumte and he’s learnd all the ticks of the trade. He’s so smooth with his $hit, that he can talk a hosue wife into becoming a h03. They lurker in the dark cornoers of the ghetto‘juke joints’ and pool halls, watching learing from under the rim of his fedora. He peeps all the young, immature and impressioanlbe ‘chicks’ freash for the plucking. He buys them a few drinks to see if they can handle their liquor and turns on the deadly charm. Flashy pinky rings, wing tipped shoes, mink coats, and a fat wad of C-note from his social security check is normally his choice of bate. He flashes that gold tooth grin, as he works as spell of minuplation on the minds of the mentally weak.

    You’ll always witness him spitting game in back allies, bus stops, high school football games, community help centers, and cheer leader try outs. This old school playa has no shame in his game. The 8-track soundtrack of his life include “Freedie’s Dead” , “Superman Lover”, and “Papa was Rolling Stone” . His father was a pimp that left his mother when she gave birth at the age of 18, possibly had multiple childern from mulptople women, and he in turn assisted in reapting the cycle by doing the same d@m thing (with no shame).

    Caniving, old, and tired, he slithers amoungs the ranks of young women who have no idea what constitutes a healthy and happy, because they’re less work for him. He doesn’t have to be honest, he doesn’t have to be committed, and he doesn’t have to be truthfull or trustworthy. He can just take a shot of ‘yack’ with a combiation of heart medication and viagra and get his rocks off. When he’s done using one, he moves onto another. Sometiems he’s multipule chickenheads in his coop who’re normally between the ages of 16 – 25 (the younger the better is his motto). And in most cases he’s in between the ages of 30 to as old as 60. He’s been married, and divorced; with kids that don’t even acknoledge him as being their father. And in some cases he pimps chicks that went to school (currently attending school) with his son and daughters. But as long as he ensures he provides all the basic needs for a single mother who’s strugling to graduate high school or obtain a nursing certification, he’s good.

    He’ll break her off with some change to go and get her hair and nails done, or purchase milk and pampers for the babe (babies) before her foodstamps and W.I.C. kick in for the month; in order to ensure that he maintins a foothold in her life. He controls everything this nieve and needy woman does or says, because he was succesful in creating an emotioanlly, physically, finacianlly and psycholgically dependancy upon himself in order for this young to believe he’s all she needs to ‘get by’.

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