Doing Too Muckin Fuch…

If you aren’t married…WHAT exactly is it that you are doing? That ’tis the question..“Are you doing the MOST?”

I talk to different people on a daily basis, some with different outlooks on life about things that I had never really given much thought before. I try to tell people of my age group to listen closely to older people who try to give advice, because in the end they are almost ALWAYS right in what they say. Odd as it may sound, I DON’T know everything, and yes, maybe….just maybe I dont think as deep in some situations as I should. Relationships for example, I may THINK I know what it is, I may THINK I know how it works, but in my twenty-something years of life: I DON’T. I was sent an email from one of my co workers of a video he saw on youtube..I know, some of you may be rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth, but this crazy unique guy Lewis H Williams III (google him!), had more than a few good points about being in a relationship…or lack thereof. Are you doing the MOST?? Peep the video:

..if you didn’t get a chance to watch it, I can sum up his point for you :

If you’re not married….YOU ARE SINGLE!

               His video made me think about my approach with the opposite species on a WHOLE ‘NOTHA LEVEL…Now, don’t get me wrong I have standards and I always try to think about the intentions of a situation before I waste invest time into it. But this video made what I had been trying to tell my peers for years CRYSTAL effin CLEAR: IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, YOU ARE SINGLE. point blank..period. My generation puts so much effort and energy into the situations that have absolutely NO foundation and are as thin as the piece of paper they use to wipe their poo poo’s with. I couldn’t imagine being over the age of 18 and investing time and energy into a man for 2, 3, or even 4 years with no talks of marriage…no ring…nothing but words. Shacking up? Sharing bills? Playing the claim game? NOT SO MUCH. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a child with a man that I was never married too..we lived together, shared bills…but I have learned from that situation and have chosen to expect alot more from those I associate with, so as not to end up in the same situation again. (Did I mention I wasn’t perfect?) But I know people who will swear up and down they love the person they are living with, but when you ask them when they plan to marry said person that look like someone stuffed their mouth with a rotten pickle. In Lewis’ video the point that made the most sense to me was “casually dating” someone for three months and if the situation isn’t progressing..MOVE ON!. People my age are quick to put their lives on hold for a boyfriend/girlfriend…when in my honest opinion if that person were THAT important they would be married…or atleast planning it in the very near future, otherwise what are you doing???

I am not here to profess that my path is the perfect one, far from it. I am just here to let people mainly women know that if you are settling for crap you are bound to become just that…POO! People, if you’re not married to it…It’s not yours! You can’t claim your Boyfriend/Girlfriend on your taxes. You can’t move in with someone and live with them for years at time and expect for them to wake up one day and decide to marry you. (Unless you’re that one in million :thank you Aaliyah:) If your significant other cheats on you can you get mad? Of course. Do you have reason to? NOPE. Just break-up…after all…your not married.

Any thoughts on this topics? Does ANYONE agree with the fact that GOD only honors marriages? Is it pointless to be in a relationship for years without growth? Am I thinking to out-of-the-box?


5 Responses to Doing Too Muckin Fuch…

  1. Deon Rob says:

    Wow, this really is an interesting topic…. Me being only 26 and married for a lil over 8 years now to the love of my life, my Boobie, I have to say that being 18 and married is VERY hard. But through the years we ALWAYS had each others backs and God truly has blessed us with the birth of our 2 sons, my Kings. He also gave us a few blessings in disguise which in turn prepared us to work through ANY problems we may encounter. We really do look back and laugh about our WILD situations and I think that’s what a relationship is all about. Loving each other no matter our faults or differences and compromising on certain situations that we both disagree on. I would have to say that growth in a relationship is only achieved if both parties are willing to break down the communication barriers and telling each other how you feel, or feeling at that particular time, about each other. Have a Blessed Day Ms. Wade!!!

  2. I slightly disagree. While I am generally opposed to most forms of shacking up, I can’t really believe that everything is all so black and white as “if you’re not married, you’re single.” Especially in this day and age.

    I do believe in the term “in a relationship,” and of course, this only applies to mature, responsible adults… not teenagers, or immature [however old they are] people who are deluding themselves into believing they have a serious relationship.

    I do believe that only God recognises marriage, because people on the street don’t seem to recognise a marriage when they see one, but your final statement of “If your significant other cheats on you can you get mad? Of course. Do you have reason to? NOPE. Just break-up…after all…your not married,” wouldn’t make much sense if we used the “if you’re not married, you’re single” applique.

    If you’re single, you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other. Therefore, there is nothing to “break up” because you’re single and therefore not in a relationship. Single people aren’t in relationships. They are single. Therefore, you aren’t cheating. So theoretically, you, your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other can sleep around with whomever they so desire because everybody is single, since nobody is married.

    Secondly, I think it’s a little detrimental to our already destroyed society to have it so black and white. If everyone not married committed to the mindset that they’re just single, then that seems to me it would encourage even more shacking up, loose and casual sex and wild endeavours. They would be of the mindset, “Well, I’m not married, I can do what I want.” We already know that a vast majority of people do not wait for proper wedding vows to start exchanging body fluids.

    Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone–certainly, not those of us who are level-headed and moral, but to all the heathens out there who are just looking for yet another excuse to misbehave.

    I think it’s just not a good idea to attempt to place everything in today’s society in neatly packaged boxes. Life cannot be so black and white.

    I DO agree that casually dating someone for 10 minutes, or three months, or every odd Sunday is NOT a relationship and not worth putting one’s life on hold. I DO agree that there are an awful lot of people shacked up in these so-called long term relationships with no intention of ever solidying their vows with God and to each other. That is a terrible waste.

  3. Teari says:

    I didn’t know that you were speaking on behalf of every woman on the planet. Who said everyone wants to get married? How do you know that some are not content with living what you consider to be a “mediocre” life? If everyone lived your opinions, then they’d be you. But they don’t, so they’re not.

    I am not poop because I don’t get married. That is solely your opinion. I am still the person I am and not the person your biased opinions say. I have a level of happiness, appreciation, and determination unbeknownst to you and what you think is factual is actually judgmental.

    Unless you want to be just like them, the elders are not always right. Are they happy with their lives or miserable? Have they been scorned or do they suffer from the ghosts of their past? How original is their thought really? You might have heard it before. Is it because they’re just regurgitating what has been beaten into their brains since they were younger by a long list of people who all say the same thing? All these things should be taken into consideration. I haven’t even (and won’t) spoken on personality and strength differences.

    I don’t believe in marriage. I am quite happy living the life I live. If I want to shack up, that means that’s what I want right now so let me. If I want to spend 10 years with a person, then let me. That person makes me happy and we are content with one another. I don’t need marriage to prove that. You don’t know what goes on between two people in a relationship because you’re not their. And even if you witness every step of the relationship, you will still have no clue because your heart does not love or feel in the same way as either person in the relationship. You’re just the outsider looking in. All you have and are in control of is your opinions.

    God does recognize marriage but then God also recognizes atheists and heathens (yes, ladies and gentlemen, Hitler did go to heaven). God gave us a brain knowing that we’d use it–knowing that we’d be different from each other–knowing that we would live out our lives how we believe them to be lived. He acknowledges this and loves us still. So whether we are screw-ups or the most glorified person in the world, he loves us still. He is always on our side be He alone sees into and understands our hearts and intentions. God is not biased and does not judge so if one were to say to Him: “Lord, I’ve decided to be a whore all my life. I want to sleep with as many women/men as I can… and they are cool with it” So what. They’re not paying your bills or cramping your style. What’s it to you?

    You may be the voice for the type of female whose goal is marriage but finds herself in all of these weird types of situations but doesn’t understand why. But I am the voice for those who just don’t give a damn and who like to live life as she sees fit, with or without society’s biased, judgmental, and prejudice sentiments. I am the voice for those who are very comfortable in their own skin and those who are honest with themselves and their intentions and desires. I am the voice for those who do not shy away from facing the mirror and do not back down because a million people do. So I can honestly say that marriage is not always end of the road.

    • snmwade says:

      It was an opinion…I never said anyone had to think how I think. It was purely MY opinion. “..what you eat dont make me shit..”. Thats life. Thanks for your rant though…it reminds me why I cant have a conversation with you about anything. Enjoy your day.

  4. MasterMind says:

    I totally agree… especially for those that have a goal to find that one committed relationship.

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