Woman In The Mirror #3: 5 Secrets To Life..

                                                                 …I’m holding on, are you?

Another beautiful monday morning…another day closer to thursday, and the weekend…and my birthday. I’m really focused now more than ever on what I want to get accomplished by 25. My list is long, but time waits for no one. It feels like just yesterday I was setting milestones for where I wanted to be at 21..so far so good. I think I deserve a small pat on the back for all that has been achieved and overcome by “yours truly”. But I know that I wouldn’t be here where I stand today without my family, close friends, and most importantly MY SON. I hear people constantly say that they “never want kids”, and while I respect that…there is no greater feeling in the world. Five years ago I would’ve never imagined in a million years that at this age I would be a mother, provider of another being. NEVER. But I am, and wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.

But I digress..

While talking to another of my close friends on the phone last night, he asked me a pretty deep question :

“If you could go back to when you were 17/18 and give yourself advice on what you’ve gone through up to this point, what would you say?”

Now, at first I quickly replied. NOTHING! I’m an advocate for going through experiences to know how to adjust for the next situation…but then I retracted my statement because in reality there are situations that you go through in life, only to learn there was truly no point in even going through it in the first place. So I thought of my “7 secrets to life” that I think would enlighten the much younger me with tools to deal with the real world…the absolute first on my list would have to be…

 1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

It took me so long to finally make this something that I didnt have to TRY to do, overtime it just became a natural reaction. I’ve realized that not EVERY situation or person that comes into my life deserves my undivided attention and urgent priority. My priorities are just that for a reason. So eventually I just realized when it’s time to let things go, and relax. Life is too short to be stressed out over irrelevant situations and draining arse people.

2. Perception is everything.

My dad (who is the ABSOLUTE BEST father…yes FATHER, in the world.) taught me when I was younger that perception is EVERYTHING. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, you judge people before they even say two words out of their mouths. How you dress, talk, eat, walk….everything is a direct reflection of you and what you’re state of mind is. So if you decide to walk out of the house in knee high boots, a mini skirt with booty meat showing, and a tube top with the ladies hanging out..don’t be suprised if Tyrone and JJ prejudge your character. It aint right, but that’s life. #Doyou.

3. Don’t waste your life focusing on monetary success.

At the end of the day when I’m dead and gone, no one is going to say..”Damn, she had such a beautiful car..and clothes…and took nice trips.” It’s obviously nice to have those things, but it scares me when people waste their whole lives chasing it. It kind of makes me wonder why they cant just enjoy the little things. Money comes and goes, but who you are as a person is eternal. Make an impression that matters.

4. When people show you who they are..BELIEVE THEM!

It’s pretty simple. When people say that they are heartless and have no soul and kick puppies, it makes it kind of hard to assume that they have good intentions when they interact with society. When someone says they can’t be trusted and they don’t like humans, I tend to stay away from those types. Life is too short for subliminals and I value my sanity too much to play games with people who don’t even want to put out good vibes about themselves. Show the pretty side at all times, you never know when the ugly side may come back to bite you.

5. Never let anyone see all the cards in your hand.

I will admit that I am a very emotional person, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve with many situations. BUT, I have the ability to see when sometimes I just need to play the background and observe. I refuse to be vulnerable to anyone by force, and I feel like emotions shouldn’t be put on front street all at one time. Keep your hands close until you’re sure you’re ready to play them.

Any other secrets to life? Is there something I’m missing? Is there anything to add to the ones I’ve mentioned?



Woman in the Mirror…#2

“He that conceals his grief, finds no remedy for it.

Dante P.,

         It’s almost been a year, and it still feels like Feb.4th was just yesterday. I can still smell your cologne sometimes when I walk through my apartment door after work. Somedays it makes me smile, sometimes it brings to me to my knees in pain. I just erased your phone number from my phone 3 months ago, because I feared that if you texted me I wouldn’t recognize the number. I saved all your text messages so that I could think and cry about all the things we would talk about. If I sit and try I can make myself remember everything verbatim, because in some weird way my worst fear is forgetting anything at all about you. When I first came to the realization that you were gone, it was hard for me to find happiness in anything. I didn’t want to smile. I didn’t want to eat. I did that because I thought that was how you would want it, I thought it would be easier that way. It wasn’t, and now I know you would say “Man, don’t worry about me Chula…I’m good.”

It took me a while to find some sort of closure, I’m writing this letter to you just so you can see that I’m growing. To show you that I DO value the lessons you taught me, and how to control my emotions and feelings to do good and spread it as far as I can. I never had the chance to let you know that how you would tell me you felt for me, I felt the same way. My pride wouldn’t let me admit to you that I had fallen hard. But you being gone has let me know that my pride don’t mean shit when I can’t say those words to you in this lifetime. You were there for me at my lowest point in my life, when no one else..friends or family were there. I constantly feel like I let you down. I wish I would have listened to your cries for help when you would tell me that you were drunk at 8 in the morning. Or when you would want to come to my house just to watch TV for hours with me and Devin. At the time, I thought you were just doing that because you were bored and needed a warm body near you. You weren’t..you were crying out for someone to care. I did..and still do. I treasure those memories with my life, and no one can EVER take those away from me. 

I still wish our last conversation was on good terms. I wish I hadn’t let you leave my house angry and mad at me. I wish when you told me to “value my friendships, bridges burned are hard to repair” I wouldv’e listened. I can’t. It kills me everday that you left this earth with ill feelings of me in your mind and heart. It burns me up that my ego wouldn’t let me admit that you were right, and just to let it go. I’m crying like a baby while typing this. My heart has been heavy for so long, and this is my way of finally letting you know I’m letting the hurt go…finally. For months you would be the first thing I thought of when I woke up, and my last thought before I went to sleep. I was left staring at old pictures and saying the things I wish I would’ve said when you were here. I learned in this last year since you’ve been gone, that you were wise above your years…and hurting so deeply inside. You have taught me the greatest lesson in life. ….I don’t just want you to rest in peace, but to also rest in my heart.

Dante Alexander Paire- Aug.7.1986-Feb.4.2009 

Soundtrack of Life— Lesson #1:

            Its almost year’s end, as everyone is probably aware of this already, and I’ve been reflecting alot on my life, my past and my future. I love reading other blogs by people who have been doing this for awhile, and I considered doing something that I saw as a post on OneSmartBlack Man’s  My Two Cents Blog– A Soundtrack of Life. It made me wonder, if someone where to see my entire life up to this point, what feeling would they get about me? And even deeper, how do I feel about myself? What mood do I feel about the way things are going in my life right now, and where do I see it going? I try to be a kind of conscious individual, and I truly believe in constantly improving myself and my situation for the long run. This definitely won’t be the last, so enjoy my soundtrack for this period in my life…
Opening Credits: Kanye West – Champion
Waking Up: Sade – Cherish the Day
Average Day: Mary J. Blige – My Life
First Date: Jill Scott – Long Walk
Falling In Love: Talib Kweli- Never Been In Love
Love Scene: Foreign Exchange f/ Muhsinah – DayKeeper
Fight Scene: Mint Condition – Breaking My Heart
Breaking Up: Foreign Exchange – House of Cards
Getting Back Together: Chrisette Michelle – What you Do
Secret Love: Raphael Saadiq – Ask of You
Life’s Okay: Lil Wayne – Brand New
Mental Breakdown: Usher – Moving Mountains
Driving On: Goapele – Closer to My Dreams
Learning A Lesson: Mos Def – Priority
Deep Thought: 2Pac – Changes
Flashback: BrownStone – Grapevine
Partying: Gucci Mane – Wasted
Happy Dance: Lucy Pearl – Dance Tonight
Regretting: Aretha Franklin – A Rose
Long Night Alone: Chrisette Michelle – Blame It On Me
Death Scene: Drake – Last Hope
Closing Credits: Michael Jackson – Never Can Say GoodBye
SN: Thanks again OneSmartBlackMan….this really inspired me.
So who else has a good soundtrack? Or what song symbolizes a time in your life right now? Did this make anyone reflect on themselves?

Woman BEING vs. WomanSELF…


“Welcome to America, home of the slave brave”

* :No comment for the photo above, it is INDEED another topic for another time:

One thing I truly admire is an fine man intelligent person that drawns me in and makes me take a second to think about myself and my surroundings. Too many young people in my generation certainly take knowledge for granted..don’t these people realize that our brains and word of mouth is the ONLY way to disseminate information on to younger generations?? GEEZ people!  Wack rap songs, ice, the new benz you just copped for your “mans an nem”, will mean ABSOLUTELY nothing 10, 20, 30 years from now..but knowledge= ETERNITY.

But I digress..The blog that I read spoke on the topic of Woman Being versus Woman Self.

                       Woman Self: Being who you REALLY are without putting on pretenses for others.

                       Woman Being: Is what you HAVE TO show the world you are.

Now some men may scratch their little heads and question the point of this post. But this isnt only geared towards women, the point of me writing this was to make a point on how people REALLY are on the inside and what they HAVE to show others on the outside. Some may say “nah, I’m real ALL the time SON!”. I say. Nah, son…your really not. Go sit yourself down somewhere and read a damn book. ASAP.With no breaks.  This is oh so very common amongst MANY cultures and generations..but who am I to judge? All I can do is focus on my two “selfs” and simply find a common medium. I have highlighted a couple of moments where having two “selfs” have kept me from going up side someones’ head helped me in keeping my composure. I am so VERY blessed for that. :sigh:

At Work-

Issue: CoWorker comes in on a Monday morning, complaining that no work was done and that no one ever helps on any projects. Proceeds to verbally discuss the things that should be done to the said people who do not help.

         WomanSelf: Who the HELL are YOU to claim what someone DID or DIDNOT do? Do you sign ANY paychecks? How do you know what someone else does during their 8 hours of scheduled work time? Are you sexually frustrated and need a hug and kiss from a loved one? Well, guess what. What you eat certainly doesnt make me sh!t poo…so keep your thoughts in your head until I decide it matters. Kthanksbuhbye!

        WomanBeing: Awwww…that sucks. #kanyeshrug.

In a Relationship-

Issue: Your significant other makes plans to do something special with you and then suddenly cancels two hours prior because his homeboy is coming into town and wants to hang out. *As non tragic as this may seem to some, unexpected occurences such as these are still disappointing nontheless.*

          WomanSelf: I hope you and your right hand become VERY acquainted when you come back from hanging out, she’s gonna be your bestfriend for awhile. Okay sweetie? K. Cool. Have fun okay?

           WomanBeing: I’ll just find something else to do. Enjoy your night and have fun babe.

With your child in public-

Issue: It’s Black Friday. It’s been a LONG day. You have been in the mall for nearly four hours and clearly your child is done with being in the mall with all these people. So instead of being content with a snack of juice and cookies for another 20 mintues, they proceed to have a temper tantrum all the way from the dressing room to the car. :sigh:

          WomanSelf: Beat that A$$!

          WomanBeing: Beat that behind…