Black Girl Rant #6: Like Crabs In A Bucket..

..some would rather kill themselves trying to keep others down, rather than to use that same effort to try to claw to the top with them. A shame.

I was just recently talking to a guy that I had met about 2 years ago. Of course the situation started out great, we just meshed. Or so it seemed. He turned out to be the most draining, needy, and manipulative individual I had ever met in my life. The crazy thing about the situation though was that I just couldn’t seem to leave him alone. He was such a parasite, and I knew it, but I just couldn’t pull myself away from the situation. I couldn’t let it go until finally he said to me over the phone…

I do just enough to keep you around. You’re a really good girl, but you know I ain’t ready to be in a relationship right now…I know I’m fucked up, but I don’t want you to go and find someone else…

o_O    really ninja?

That’s what’s hot in the streets?

Not only did this ignorant ass negroe not want to commit to me, he also was full of sh!t and knew it, AND he didn’t want me to meet someone a real man who would treat me right. Some people have the audacity to believe that their own emotional baggage is more important than anything else in their life, and is important to others as well. He made me laugh that day, and everyday after that. I promptly erased his number and suggested that he never call me again. Not in those words, but you get the point.  No one is ever worth giving up your happiness, you should never give anyone the power to pull you down to their negative level. It took me awhile to realize certain things, but I’m glad I eventually learned. Misery loves company….and when it knocks, I try not to be home.

Day 60: 60 Day Challenge…

So, after reading so many blogs on life, love, love-lives, politics, and other things that after a while bore me to my bones, I’ve decided to challenge myself. With what you ask? With the words I put on my own blog. I thought to start a 60 day challenge, to not only learn more about myself, but also to see my own growth as a writer and thinker over the next 60 days. The topics may vary, and I know the length will too, but the main point I’m trying to make is to hopefully spark creativity in myself and others. I like to think of myself as pretty descriptive writer, so the goal over the next 60 days is to pull someone/ people in and let them know ME. Not the facade I WANT people to see, but the REAL me. Uncensored, uncut, and raw. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. No, I will not be pouring my heart and soul out every single day. But I will expose a side of me that few have seen. I hope to mature a little through this challenge. At the end of the day…”I’m talkin to the man in the mirror.”

Woman In The Mirror #3: 5 Secrets To Life..

                                                                 …I’m holding on, are you?

Another beautiful monday morning…another day closer to thursday, and the weekend…and my birthday. I’m really focused now more than ever on what I want to get accomplished by 25. My list is long, but time waits for no one. It feels like just yesterday I was setting milestones for where I wanted to be at 21..so far so good. I think I deserve a small pat on the back for all that has been achieved and overcome by “yours truly”. But I know that I wouldn’t be here where I stand today without my family, close friends, and most importantly MY SON. I hear people constantly say that they “never want kids”, and while I respect that…there is no greater feeling in the world. Five years ago I would’ve never imagined in a million years that at this age I would be a mother, provider of another being. NEVER. But I am, and wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.

But I digress..

While talking to another of my close friends on the phone last night, he asked me a pretty deep question :

“If you could go back to when you were 17/18 and give yourself advice on what you’ve gone through up to this point, what would you say?”

Now, at first I quickly replied. NOTHING! I’m an advocate for going through experiences to know how to adjust for the next situation…but then I retracted my statement because in reality there are situations that you go through in life, only to learn there was truly no point in even going through it in the first place. So I thought of my “7 secrets to life” that I think would enlighten the much younger me with tools to deal with the real world…the absolute first on my list would have to be…

 1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

It took me so long to finally make this something that I didnt have to TRY to do, overtime it just became a natural reaction. I’ve realized that not EVERY situation or person that comes into my life deserves my undivided attention and urgent priority. My priorities are just that for a reason. So eventually I just realized when it’s time to let things go, and relax. Life is too short to be stressed out over irrelevant situations and draining arse people.

2. Perception is everything.

My dad (who is the ABSOLUTE BEST father…yes FATHER, in the world.) taught me when I was younger that perception is EVERYTHING. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, you judge people before they even say two words out of their mouths. How you dress, talk, eat, walk….everything is a direct reflection of you and what you’re state of mind is. So if you decide to walk out of the house in knee high boots, a mini skirt with booty meat showing, and a tube top with the ladies hanging out..don’t be suprised if Tyrone and JJ prejudge your character. It aint right, but that’s life. #Doyou.

3. Don’t waste your life focusing on monetary success.

At the end of the day when I’m dead and gone, no one is going to say..”Damn, she had such a beautiful car..and clothes…and took nice trips.” It’s obviously nice to have those things, but it scares me when people waste their whole lives chasing it. It kind of makes me wonder why they cant just enjoy the little things. Money comes and goes, but who you are as a person is eternal. Make an impression that matters.

4. When people show you who they are..BELIEVE THEM!

It’s pretty simple. When people say that they are heartless and have no soul and kick puppies, it makes it kind of hard to assume that they have good intentions when they interact with society. When someone says they can’t be trusted and they don’t like humans, I tend to stay away from those types. Life is too short for subliminals and I value my sanity too much to play games with people who don’t even want to put out good vibes about themselves. Show the pretty side at all times, you never know when the ugly side may come back to bite you.

5. Never let anyone see all the cards in your hand.

I will admit that I am a very emotional person, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve with many situations. BUT, I have the ability to see when sometimes I just need to play the background and observe. I refuse to be vulnerable to anyone by force, and I feel like emotions shouldn’t be put on front street all at one time. Keep your hands close until you’re sure you’re ready to play them.

Any other secrets to life? Is there something I’m missing? Is there anything to add to the ones I’ve mentioned?

 

Where has the time gone?

So, my younger brother is now 17…I know, I know…no big deal right? Wrong. My YOUNGER brother is 17! With a mustache, and a license, and a girlfriend, and a blackberry. WTF.

So let me explain what this means for me:

I’M GETTING OLD (er).

Now, I’m not even remotely the type to stress myself over irrelevant things like age or weight…but this is just a more blatant realization of where I am and how long it has taken me to get to this point. It seems like I myself was just 17, graduating, and excited about college. Now I’m a mom, IT professional, and almighty payer of bills. I vividly remember waiting for my little brother to come home from the hospital, angrily. Yes, I was pissed. I was so used to being an only child, and having my parents TO MYSELF. But as time flew by I now see clearly that my brother has grown to be someone I can trust, and respect, and my bestfriend….

Doing Too Muckin Fuch…

If you aren’t married…WHAT exactly is it that you are doing? That ’tis the question..“Are you doing the MOST?”

I talk to different people on a daily basis, some with different outlooks on life about things that I had never really given much thought before. I try to tell people of my age group to listen closely to older people who try to give advice, because in the end they are almost ALWAYS right in what they say. Odd as it may sound, I DON’T know everything, and yes, maybe….just maybe I dont think as deep in some situations as I should. Relationships for example, I may THINK I know what it is, I may THINK I know how it works, but in my twenty-something years of life: I DON’T. I was sent an email from one of my co workers of a video he saw on youtube..I know, some of you may be rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth, but this crazy unique guy Lewis H Williams III (google him!), had more than a few good points about being in a relationship…or lack thereof. Are you doing the MOST?? Peep the video:

..if you didn’t get a chance to watch it, I can sum up his point for you :

If you’re not married….YOU ARE SINGLE!

               His video made me think about my approach with the opposite species on a WHOLE ‘NOTHA LEVEL…Now, don’t get me wrong I have standards and I always try to think about the intentions of a situation before I waste invest time into it. But this video made what I had been trying to tell my peers for years CRYSTAL effin CLEAR: IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, YOU ARE SINGLE. point blank..period. My generation puts so much effort and energy into the situations that have absolutely NO foundation and are as thin as the piece of paper they use to wipe their poo poo’s with. I couldn’t imagine being over the age of 18 and investing time and energy into a man for 2, 3, or even 4 years with no talks of marriage…no ring…nothing but words. Shacking up? Sharing bills? Playing the claim game? NOT SO MUCH. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a child with a man that I was never married too..we lived together, shared bills…but I have learned from that situation and have chosen to expect alot more from those I associate with, so as not to end up in the same situation again. (Did I mention I wasn’t perfect?) But I know people who will swear up and down they love the person they are living with, but when you ask them when they plan to marry said person that look like someone stuffed their mouth with a rotten pickle. In Lewis’ video the point that made the most sense to me was “casually dating” someone for three months and if the situation isn’t progressing..MOVE ON!. People my age are quick to put their lives on hold for a boyfriend/girlfriend…when in my honest opinion if that person were THAT important they would be married…or atleast planning it in the very near future, otherwise what are you doing???

I am not here to profess that my path is the perfect one, far from it. I am just here to let people mainly women know that if you are settling for crap you are bound to become just that…POO! People, if you’re not married to it…It’s not yours! You can’t claim your Boyfriend/Girlfriend on your taxes. You can’t move in with someone and live with them for years at time and expect for them to wake up one day and decide to marry you. (Unless you’re that one in million :thank you Aaliyah:) If your significant other cheats on you can you get mad? Of course. Do you have reason to? NOPE. Just break-up…after all…your not married.

Any thoughts on this topics? Does ANYONE agree with the fact that GOD only honors marriages? Is it pointless to be in a relationship for years without growth? Am I thinking to out-of-the-box?

Black Girl Rants #1…

“kanye shruggin’ my life away in these streets!”–please note the look on her face..PRICELESS!

SO, this snow storm here in the DMV has been absolutely disastrous if that’s a word I can even use to describe it. Being stuck in the house with 3 other people (including a 2 year old) for 4  days certainly tested my religion sanity and mental capacity. I literally was ready to pull on my snow boots, wrap up in 14 layers of clothing and hitch hike to the nearest mall or restaurant for a very strong drink break/ necessary breather. Besides having to watch the Lifetime channel as if it were going off the air (thanks mom!), I was annoyed with life thanks to my younger brother and his weird friends who decided it would be fun to hide all my “essential feminine hygeine ” items from me to show me how “they” did it back in the day. Who the HECK is “they”. #FML

But I digress. I am so happy to be able to blog without distractions. With this new found freedom from the blizzard I am able to let go of a week’s worth of pent up frustration and aggression, although there are MANY ways to relax I find that writing does something to me that makes me feel like my words have an impact.

With that being said, let me first let all who read my blog know how much I absolutely abhor (google it!) fake people and liars among other things. There is absolutely NO excuse for any person on this planet to pretend to be something they are not for ANY amount of time unless your C. Brown and your alter ego is HULK. I mean truly I feel as though I really dont ask alot of the people that I associate myself with. There are two general rules : Be yourself at all times, and Don’t lie to me. Okay, being yourself at all times may be hard if you truly don’t know WHO you are as a person to begin with. But lying…no bueno. Lying to someone would suggest that you think lesser of their intelligence because you feel as though you will get away with it, which suggests that they wouldnt find out, which would suggest that you are smarter than the person you lied to. So you think I’m dumb now? :neck rolls and hip clutches implied: I have mentioned this before, I hate when people insult my intelligence. Lying to me implies that you are, so please be prepared for a roundhouse kick to the face and I DARE you to cry after I do it!

Which leads to me The Dud..we’ll call him The Dud because according to Yahoo’s definition a Dud is: A broken or nonfunctional device that does not perform its intended function. A  bit harsh? Absolutely. Do I care? Absolutely not. So me and The Dud went out a couple times, hit it off, and sort of clicked if you would. This particular guy basically treated me as if I were the queen of a small island, and then just as quickly, it felt like he left me on the island and then got on the boat and waved at me as he drifted off. #fail. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a very secure female and I feel if a situation doesn’t fit don’t force it. But sometimes the couth of some people amazes me. Instead of being basic, why not have class and dignity in every situation? I guess we all can’t think quick on our feet. Or think at all for that matter. At this age though, I feel like I should NEVER burn bridges or walk away from any situation feeling like I have wronged someone. Karma is THAT bish, and I’m not trying to feel her wrath.  So quickly I realized that he had fallen victim to the Fake1N1 Flu Strand that was running rampant in the DMV. Now, I know it took alot of words to make my point, but the point is BE YOURSELF and BE HONEST about how you feel and what’s on your mind, because at the end of the day you may find that the things that you do to others is a direct reflection of how you may feel about yourself…apparently he didn’t think very highly of himself….or his performance. :sigh:

But ummmm…on to my the rest the things that made my blood pressure rise:

When people say “its the thought that counts”-

      hey guess what?…its NOT the thought that counts. If that were the case I would just think really really hard into a ziplock bag and wrap it in a pretty box with a bow for my mom for the holidays. No bueno. I would probably get judo chopped in the neck, because she is eagerly awaiting her 300 + dollar Coach Purse and matching scarf not the fact that I “thought” about it. Just sayin. 

– The media bashing of Tiger Woods-

     IMO, Tiger isn’t paying my bills, sleeping in my bed, or going half on a baby with me, so his indiscretions don’t change my life in any way. Nor anyone else’s in the world besides his wife. He is a grown man who cheated on his wife over a million times, but he is still an excellent athelete if golf were a sport. Why can’t we just “let him be great”? – Thanks Kanye.

– UGG boots and shorts/skirts in the winter-

     You KNOW your legs are cold. STOP FAKIN! Enough said.

Okay, I feel good about my life now. Please enjoy the rest of your day!

Soundtrack of Life— Lesson #1:

            Its almost year’s end, as everyone is probably aware of this already, and I’ve been reflecting alot on my life, my past and my future. I love reading other blogs by people who have been doing this for awhile, and I considered doing something that I saw as a post on OneSmartBlack Man’s  My Two Cents Blog– A Soundtrack of Life. It made me wonder, if someone where to see my entire life up to this point, what feeling would they get about me? And even deeper, how do I feel about myself? What mood do I feel about the way things are going in my life right now, and where do I see it going? I try to be a kind of conscious individual, and I truly believe in constantly improving myself and my situation for the long run. This definitely won’t be the last, so enjoy my soundtrack for this period in my life…
Opening Credits: Kanye West – Champion
Waking Up: Sade – Cherish the Day
Average Day: Mary J. Blige – My Life
First Date: Jill Scott – Long Walk
Falling In Love: Talib Kweli- Never Been In Love
Love Scene: Foreign Exchange f/ Muhsinah – DayKeeper
Fight Scene: Mint Condition – Breaking My Heart
Breaking Up: Foreign Exchange – House of Cards
Getting Back Together: Chrisette Michelle – What you Do
Secret Love: Raphael Saadiq – Ask of You
Life’s Okay: Lil Wayne – Brand New
Mental Breakdown: Usher – Moving Mountains
Driving On: Goapele – Closer to My Dreams
Learning A Lesson: Mos Def – Priority
Deep Thought: 2Pac – Changes
Flashback: BrownStone – Grapevine
Partying: Gucci Mane – Wasted
Happy Dance: Lucy Pearl – Dance Tonight
Regretting: Aretha Franklin – A Rose
Long Night Alone: Chrisette Michelle – Blame It On Me
Death Scene: Drake – Last Hope
Closing Credits: Michael Jackson – Never Can Say GoodBye
SN: Thanks again OneSmartBlackMan….this really inspired me.
So who else has a good soundtrack? Or what song symbolizes a time in your life right now? Did this make anyone reflect on themselves?