Black Girl Rant #6: Like Crabs In A Bucket..

..some would rather kill themselves trying to keep others down, rather than to use that same effort to try to claw to the top with them. A shame.

I was just recently talking to a guy that I had met about 2 years ago. Of course the situation started out great, we just meshed. Or so it seemed. He turned out to be the most draining, needy, and manipulative individual I had ever met in my life. The crazy thing about the situation though was that I just couldn’t seem to leave him alone. He was such a parasite, and I knew it, but I just couldn’t pull myself away from the situation. I couldn’t let it go until finally he said to me over the phone…

I do just enough to keep you around. You’re a really good girl, but you know I ain’t ready to be in a relationship right now…I know I’m fucked up, but I don’t want you to go and find someone else…

o_O    really ninja?

That’s what’s hot in the streets?

Not only did this ignorant ass negroe not want to commit to me, he also was full of sh!t and knew it, AND he didn’t want me to meet someone a real man who would treat me right. Some people have the audacity to believe that their own emotional baggage is more important than anything else in their life, and is important to others as well. He made me laugh that day, and everyday after that. I promptly erased his number and suggested that he never call me again. Not in those words, but you get the point.  No one is ever worth giving up your happiness, you should never give anyone the power to pull you down to their negative level. It took me awhile to realize certain things, but I’m glad I eventually learned. Misery loves company….and when it knocks, I try not to be home.

Blog Challenge: Day 1 of 60….

Day 1:  16 Interesting Facts About Yourself…

1. I love to paint.

2. I have slight OCD when it comes to my handwriting. It has to be a certain type of pen, and a certain texture of  paper in order for me to feel comfortable writing. #kanyeshrug I do what I want.

3. I believe in “happily ever after”.

4. I pretend to not care about people, because deep inside I care too much.

5. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt even when I know they are doing effed up stuff.

6. I love FOOD. Not eating when i’m hungry makes me extremely mad. I am capable of potentially turning into the hulk. 

7. I have a horrible temper.

8. I hate being judged. We are all human, not GOD.  

9. I despise hypocrites and people who agree with them, cosign them, or mimic what they do.

10. Deep inside I am A HUGE nerd. (Pocket protector and all. )

11. I pretend to be a bully, so that the real bullies won’t pick on me.

12. I have very old fashioned ideals when it comes to relationships.

13. I have never cheated in a relationship.

14.  I am honest to the point of being too aggressive. 

15. I have been told I should smile more. o_O

16. I did not vote for Obama. and what?

           

Day 60: 60 Day Challenge…

So, after reading so many blogs on life, love, love-lives, politics, and other things that after a while bore me to my bones, I’ve decided to challenge myself. With what you ask? With the words I put on my own blog. I thought to start a 60 day challenge, to not only learn more about myself, but also to see my own growth as a writer and thinker over the next 60 days. The topics may vary, and I know the length will too, but the main point I’m trying to make is to hopefully spark creativity in myself and others. I like to think of myself as pretty descriptive writer, so the goal over the next 60 days is to pull someone/ people in and let them know ME. Not the facade I WANT people to see, but the REAL me. Uncensored, uncut, and raw. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. No, I will not be pouring my heart and soul out every single day. But I will expose a side of me that few have seen. I hope to mature a little through this challenge. At the end of the day…”I’m talkin to the man in the mirror.”

Ignorance Is Bliss…

                                                                             #EPICFAIL

Gucci Mane..BuRR. Weed. “ICE”. Overuse and ownership of the word N!66a. Moniques’ LOUD ass. Wendy Williams…How YOU doin?. Sammy Sosa. Record Label Pyramid Schemes. Youtube. Souljah Boy. Nicki Minaj…Hirojuku Barbie. Menthol Cigarettes. Black and Mild’s. Colt 45. Steel Reserve. Pimped out cars. Autotune. Diddy. The Cleveland Show. Meet The Browns. Baby Mommas. Reggie Bush. Tiger Woods. Haters. Becky. Purp. Precious. Black embarassment Television. Crack. Kool- Aid….should I continue? …

I digress.

The above are not things I blame for the demise of african american culture, just merely the things that further prove how much of a step back our society as a whole is currently taking. Every generation has their problems. Slavery, rights, equality those are just the tip of the iceberg of the stuggles that took decades to overcome and are still overcoming. The difference between then and now is the obvious ignorance of this generations problems now. The fight is no longer us vs. “them”, but is now ironically us vs. “us”. I know I may get many eye rolls and side eyes for my views, but as a person who reads about different cultures and beliefs I see more and more how sad the black race is becoming. We are probably one of very few races who is content with just “being”. We have had MANY accomplishments and milestones that very few have had the abiltity to achieve, but for every high there is a devestating low. Maybe I’m just speaking with no filter. so shoot me. Yes, it’s true, EVERY race has their downfalls…no one on God’s green earth is perfect. But dammit, there has to come a point when blacks come together to form a formidable alliance and not strive to become the most iciest.. BURR wealthy. Wealth is important in terms of influence, but knowledge is key to hold that power.

This rant was sparked by a conversation I had with some friends a couple of weeks ago. We were discussing something small and mundane, probably how devastingly hot it was after being so cold for so long gotta love the East Coast! But we got on the topic of politics and Obama:

Me: Did you read about Obama passing the healthcare bill? ..This is a historical moment for the United States.

Mr. No No: Nah,but I’ve heard bits and pieces.

Me: O ok, so from what you heard how do you feel about it?

Mr. No No: Free is always good…I dont give a damn as long as Obama approves it, I’M GOOD!

Me :side eye: seriously?

I can’t understand for the life of me how someone can know Gucci Mane’s ENTIRE Biographical history and every word to every mixtape he’s ever made, but won’t open a book to research topics that could potentially affect them FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES’ !!! O yea, I know why.

             So in essence, I just find it to be my civic duty to try and push my culture and generation forward and not help in the steady spiral backwards. Even if I affect a handful, its better than destroying the mentality of one.

Does anyone else feel like the images we view on a daily basis are detrimental? Is there any hope left? How do you help to better this generation?

Yes, I’m okay…I’m just going “natural”. DAMN.

            NO, I’m not dying, I’m not losing a limb, I’m not trying to reinvent myself, no need for dramatics. Damn, I’m simply growing out my hair relaxer. Its healthier this way, and I’m basically trying to save myself from hair loss, scalp irratation,  thinning, and breakage  in the future. Thats it. Period. It wasnt some big huge life changing milestone to symbolize me “shedding” XYZ in order to accomplish ABC. Absolutely not. Although it is very important for people in my generation to occasionally step back from their currrent life situations in order to reflect and grow, thats NOT what I’m doing with this. Sorry if I disappointed you. Womp Womp Womp….pick your face up!

The real reasons for me deciding to “go natural” was a combination of little things, nothing major or catastrophic…just little things that make you go..Why not? It amazes me how people can plan for their future’s, save every dime delingently in their perfectly calculated accounts, wear the best clothes….but can’t take care of their hair! That is among one of the first things people see when they view you..face, hair,teeth, hands…in that order. Which leads to reason number…

37.) I don’t want to be 30 with my hairline touching my back, and a “touch” of hair on my head! Nothing is worse than seeing a female thinking she is the flyest alive with her long luscious permed hair…that is horribly damaged, and her hairline looks like Tyra Banks’. #FAIL. This is a situation where “Quality over Quantity” needs to preached. I was always told that long hair isn’t necessarily that cute if it doesnt look taken care of. After talking with a fellow battle buddy, I sat and thought about the chances of my relaxed hair growing down my back versus if I were to just let the perm grow out and let my natural hair grow strong and healthy. Natural hair won that that war…

38.) Lookin at pictures of myself during childhood with long natural hair that could withstand a turbulent war. As a child, my mom wouldn’t allow me to get a perm put into my hair until alot later than most of classmates. Hot combs, moisturizers, and dooky braids were all I knew and all else was not an option unless I wanted a slap from the hairbrush in the head. As I got older and was able to put relaxers in my own hair as often as I wanted, and I began to notice that even though my hair may have “looked” shiny and healthy, in all actuality it took what seemed like a million years to grow. Sometimes it matters not the looks of things, but the STATE in WHICH it grows that matters more. #GoDeep ..literally… 

39.) Why not? I’m kind of curious to see what my natural hair would look like, and there are already some styles that I’m anxious to try once my hair grows to a certain length. Some ignorant people have this notion that  because I’m deciding to go natural, that it automatically means that I’m getting dreads…uh no. I just want to go natural. I read on a blog while searching for homemade moisturizers some interesting information:

After a while you develop hair breakage (from using hair relaxer, or other harsh methods of treatment)–>You use a product, to fix the problem. (toxic conditioners..with chemicals)–>That product in turn has its own damaging side effect. So you use another product to fix that problem. ( “Hair Repair Treatments”…with chemicals)–>Which leads to damage, or a side effect in another area. So you use another product to fix that problem. Etc, etc, etc.

So, as a whole, I just decided to just cut out THAT WHOLE process and grow healthier hair. Simple enough right? Not so much…the new growth is torturing me, but I MUST fight the urge to get the end result. Atleast I’ll have a happy ending…#Thatswhatshesaid. HA!

Wish me luck…I’m sure you will be hearing more about it. Happy trails.

Is anyone else out there “transitioning” from relaxed to natural? Any remedies? Any stories of hope???

Soundtrack of Life— Lesson #1:

            Its almost year’s end, as everyone is probably aware of this already, and I’ve been reflecting alot on my life, my past and my future. I love reading other blogs by people who have been doing this for awhile, and I considered doing something that I saw as a post on OneSmartBlack Man’s  My Two Cents Blog– A Soundtrack of Life. It made me wonder, if someone where to see my entire life up to this point, what feeling would they get about me? And even deeper, how do I feel about myself? What mood do I feel about the way things are going in my life right now, and where do I see it going? I try to be a kind of conscious individual, and I truly believe in constantly improving myself and my situation for the long run. This definitely won’t be the last, so enjoy my soundtrack for this period in my life…
Opening Credits: Kanye West – Champion
Waking Up: Sade – Cherish the Day
Average Day: Mary J. Blige – My Life
First Date: Jill Scott – Long Walk
Falling In Love: Talib Kweli- Never Been In Love
Love Scene: Foreign Exchange f/ Muhsinah – DayKeeper
Fight Scene: Mint Condition – Breaking My Heart
Breaking Up: Foreign Exchange – House of Cards
Getting Back Together: Chrisette Michelle – What you Do
Secret Love: Raphael Saadiq – Ask of You
Life’s Okay: Lil Wayne – Brand New
Mental Breakdown: Usher – Moving Mountains
Driving On: Goapele – Closer to My Dreams
Learning A Lesson: Mos Def – Priority
Deep Thought: 2Pac – Changes
Flashback: BrownStone – Grapevine
Partying: Gucci Mane – Wasted
Happy Dance: Lucy Pearl – Dance Tonight
Regretting: Aretha Franklin – A Rose
Long Night Alone: Chrisette Michelle – Blame It On Me
Death Scene: Drake – Last Hope
Closing Credits: Michael Jackson – Never Can Say GoodBye
SN: Thanks again OneSmartBlackMan….this really inspired me.
So who else has a good soundtrack? Or what song symbolizes a time in your life right now? Did this make anyone reflect on themselves?

And you say he’s just a friend..

This is a really well written and informative article I ran across at clugmagonline.com. I never pass up the opportunity to retain knowledge and wisdom from outside sources, it helps. I encourage everyone reading this to grasp the jewels needed for life. 

Enjoy:

And You Say He’s Just A Friend

Monday Nov 23, 2009 – By Alaina L. Lewis

Love used to start out with the same ole scenario that carefully played out over the harmonious chirps of a blue bird fluttering high in the clear blue sky. Boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl hit it off, then boy breaks out the knee pads and pops the question. Err– maybe back in 1983.

It’s 2009 Ladies. It seems like you can barely get a man to pick his chin up off the floor after he’s made a mistake so I wouldn’t be one to assume he’s “gentleman” enough to stoop down to make any statement of importance. Unless by chance they’re playing Get Low in a local nightclub and he’s the type who is constantly victimized by the rhythm and the beat. (See Dave Chappelle’s White People Dancing).

Face it, we’re living in the modern era, when the ideas and practices of yesteryear are about as old school as waiting until marriage to swap more than spit or exchange front door keys.

So as love changes and the normal rules become a hesitant action, so do the channels we must go through to find a mate who’s ready to comply with our virtuous plan.

So what happens when you actually meet that man of your dreams and you’re unsure of his agenda or confused about his long-term intentions when considering his rules of the game? Is he all about booty calls, temporary love affairs, open-ended relationships, short-term thrills and chills, or is there anyone out here that still believes in playing for keeps?

(Of course… and please give them my number if you come across one. Thank you.)

But seriously, the one thing I will say for certain that goes without a doubt when discerning whether your potential Prince is worth more than the 5 minutes he invests in the bedroom after splitting the cost of theater popcorn or the tab at your favorite restaurant, is that the words he sows, are about as matter of fact as the statements he’s not making pertaining to his participation in the “real-lationship.”

If a man says he’s just a “friend” and is not looking for anything more at the present moment, then the only thing you need to question is why you’re assuming that you can change his perspective, if that’s your mission at the present time.

For some reason many of us look at the “friend” barrier like climbing the wall during basic training: a small challenge that will lead to a victorious outcome. We take the statement lightly, canoodle ’til our hearts desire, live for the moment and dare to cross those physical boundaries, all the while being met by a mutual response from a man who’d never turn down candy for a carrot.

Needless to say, we find ours hearts latching on to their actions and begin to believe the hype associated with any clever opportunist, which is what they are, while pretending as if his “friend” statement was just a defense against hurt. Remember, no man is dumb enough to pass on what you’re willing to hand out freely when knowing his position to remain uncommitted from the very beginning.

I don’t care how good your nookie is or if you can burn a mean casserole, while simultaneously flushing a car engine, and juggling tree (three) jobs like your Jamaican neighbor. When going on that quest to make a man eat his words and rush to love, you’d probably have better luck finding the lost city of Atlantis.

No matter how many times you try to impress your “friend” with your caring heart, or argue your point in a heated debate about taking the friendship to the next level, the only person who stands to get hurt is the one who has the expectations apart from the initial understanding.

Side stepping on that truth is what has us pissed off when we see our wannabe Romeo arm and arm with another chick in a sailor suit threatening to rock the boat we swore we had anchored at our dock.

Even worse, don’t be surprised if you were hanging on for years and he up and marries a woman he just met a couple months ago, who as the saying goes, is “everything you’re not” to him or just somehow made an impression in an hour that you had spent months trying imprint on him.

Whether a man means what he says or is just playing hard to get, the only thing that can come from taking a risk like dating a “friend” is the ladder of potential hurt that stems from assuming it’s all in the bag when we’re figuring that we’ve got the “stuff” that he needs to make him change his heart on the situation.

Remember, men usually know what they want and rarely pass on their desires to let someone else have a chance at their target. PREACH! Men know exactly what it is they want, if a man sees you as a “diamond” and believes everything about you is beautiful….why would he want to keep you on the market for other men to have the opportunity to see your beauty? With no title people are still available to search for other options. Don’t assume and prolong a deadend situation.

Don’t give the obligation you have to your heart to someone who doesn’t want to be in your heart or protect it from pain.

When they say they’re not interested in a relationship they’re letting you know that either they’re not ready for love, or you’re not the love they’re ready for or interested in. Either way, hope for the best..and prepare for the worst.

It’s not our duty to wait on them. It’s our right to be chosen. So if he says he’s just a friend, then it is your job to protect your feelings and keep it that way.