Black Girl Rant #6: Like Crabs In A Bucket..

..some would rather kill themselves trying to keep others down, rather than to use that same effort to try to claw to the top with them. A shame.

I was just recently talking to a guy that I had met about 2 years ago. Of course the situation started out great, we just meshed. Or so it seemed. He turned out to be the most draining, needy, and manipulative individual I had ever met in my life. The crazy thing about the situation though was that I just couldn’t seem to leave him alone. He was such a parasite, and I knew it, but I just couldn’t pull myself away from the situation. I couldn’t let it go until finally he said to me over the phone…

I do just enough to keep you around. You’re a really good girl, but you know I ain’t ready to be in a relationship right now…I know I’m fucked up, but I don’t want you to go and find someone else…

o_O    really ninja?

That’s what’s hot in the streets?

Not only did this ignorant ass negroe not want to commit to me, he also was full of sh!t and knew it, AND he didn’t want me to meet someone a real man who would treat me right. Some people have the audacity to believe that their own emotional baggage is more important than anything else in their life, and is important to others as well. He made me laugh that day, and everyday after that. I promptly erased his number and suggested that he never call me again. Not in those words, but you get the point.  No one is ever worth giving up your happiness, you should never give anyone the power to pull you down to their negative level. It took me awhile to realize certain things, but I’m glad I eventually learned. Misery loves company….and when it knocks, I try not to be home.

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Blog Challenge: Day 1 of 60….

Day 1:  16 Interesting Facts About Yourself…

1. I love to paint.

2. I have slight OCD when it comes to my handwriting. It has to be a certain type of pen, and a certain texture of  paper in order for me to feel comfortable writing. #kanyeshrug I do what I want.

3. I believe in “happily ever after”.

4. I pretend to not care about people, because deep inside I care too much.

5. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt even when I know they are doing effed up stuff.

6. I love FOOD. Not eating when i’m hungry makes me extremely mad. I am capable of potentially turning into the hulk. 

7. I have a horrible temper.

8. I hate being judged. We are all human, not GOD.  

9. I despise hypocrites and people who agree with them, cosign them, or mimic what they do.

10. Deep inside I am A HUGE nerd. (Pocket protector and all. )

11. I pretend to be a bully, so that the real bullies won’t pick on me.

12. I have very old fashioned ideals when it comes to relationships.

13. I have never cheated in a relationship.

14.  I am honest to the point of being too aggressive. 

15. I have been told I should smile more. o_O

16. I did not vote for Obama. and what?

           

Day 60: 60 Day Challenge…

So, after reading so many blogs on life, love, love-lives, politics, and other things that after a while bore me to my bones, I’ve decided to challenge myself. With what you ask? With the words I put on my own blog. I thought to start a 60 day challenge, to not only learn more about myself, but also to see my own growth as a writer and thinker over the next 60 days. The topics may vary, and I know the length will too, but the main point I’m trying to make is to hopefully spark creativity in myself and others. I like to think of myself as pretty descriptive writer, so the goal over the next 60 days is to pull someone/ people in and let them know ME. Not the facade I WANT people to see, but the REAL me. Uncensored, uncut, and raw. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. No, I will not be pouring my heart and soul out every single day. But I will expose a side of me that few have seen. I hope to mature a little through this challenge. At the end of the day…”I’m talkin to the man in the mirror.”

Woman In The Mirror #3: 5 Secrets To Life..

                                                                 …I’m holding on, are you?

Another beautiful monday morning…another day closer to thursday, and the weekend…and my birthday. I’m really focused now more than ever on what I want to get accomplished by 25. My list is long, but time waits for no one. It feels like just yesterday I was setting milestones for where I wanted to be at 21..so far so good. I think I deserve a small pat on the back for all that has been achieved and overcome by “yours truly”. But I know that I wouldn’t be here where I stand today without my family, close friends, and most importantly MY SON. I hear people constantly say that they “never want kids”, and while I respect that…there is no greater feeling in the world. Five years ago I would’ve never imagined in a million years that at this age I would be a mother, provider of another being. NEVER. But I am, and wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.

But I digress..

While talking to another of my close friends on the phone last night, he asked me a pretty deep question :

“If you could go back to when you were 17/18 and give yourself advice on what you’ve gone through up to this point, what would you say?”

Now, at first I quickly replied. NOTHING! I’m an advocate for going through experiences to know how to adjust for the next situation…but then I retracted my statement because in reality there are situations that you go through in life, only to learn there was truly no point in even going through it in the first place. So I thought of my “7 secrets to life” that I think would enlighten the much younger me with tools to deal with the real world…the absolute first on my list would have to be…

 1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

It took me so long to finally make this something that I didnt have to TRY to do, overtime it just became a natural reaction. I’ve realized that not EVERY situation or person that comes into my life deserves my undivided attention and urgent priority. My priorities are just that for a reason. So eventually I just realized when it’s time to let things go, and relax. Life is too short to be stressed out over irrelevant situations and draining arse people.

2. Perception is everything.

My dad (who is the ABSOLUTE BEST father…yes FATHER, in the world.) taught me when I was younger that perception is EVERYTHING. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, you judge people before they even say two words out of their mouths. How you dress, talk, eat, walk….everything is a direct reflection of you and what you’re state of mind is. So if you decide to walk out of the house in knee high boots, a mini skirt with booty meat showing, and a tube top with the ladies hanging out..don’t be suprised if Tyrone and JJ prejudge your character. It aint right, but that’s life. #Doyou.

3. Don’t waste your life focusing on monetary success.

At the end of the day when I’m dead and gone, no one is going to say..”Damn, she had such a beautiful car..and clothes…and took nice trips.” It’s obviously nice to have those things, but it scares me when people waste their whole lives chasing it. It kind of makes me wonder why they cant just enjoy the little things. Money comes and goes, but who you are as a person is eternal. Make an impression that matters.

4. When people show you who they are..BELIEVE THEM!

It’s pretty simple. When people say that they are heartless and have no soul and kick puppies, it makes it kind of hard to assume that they have good intentions when they interact with society. When someone says they can’t be trusted and they don’t like humans, I tend to stay away from those types. Life is too short for subliminals and I value my sanity too much to play games with people who don’t even want to put out good vibes about themselves. Show the pretty side at all times, you never know when the ugly side may come back to bite you.

5. Never let anyone see all the cards in your hand.

I will admit that I am a very emotional person, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve with many situations. BUT, I have the ability to see when sometimes I just need to play the background and observe. I refuse to be vulnerable to anyone by force, and I feel like emotions shouldn’t be put on front street all at one time. Keep your hands close until you’re sure you’re ready to play them.

Any other secrets to life? Is there something I’m missing? Is there anything to add to the ones I’ve mentioned?

 

Ignorance Is Bliss…

                                                                             #EPICFAIL

Gucci Mane..BuRR. Weed. “ICE”. Overuse and ownership of the word N!66a. Moniques’ LOUD ass. Wendy Williams…How YOU doin?. Sammy Sosa. Record Label Pyramid Schemes. Youtube. Souljah Boy. Nicki Minaj…Hirojuku Barbie. Menthol Cigarettes. Black and Mild’s. Colt 45. Steel Reserve. Pimped out cars. Autotune. Diddy. The Cleveland Show. Meet The Browns. Baby Mommas. Reggie Bush. Tiger Woods. Haters. Becky. Purp. Precious. Black embarassment Television. Crack. Kool- Aid….should I continue? …

I digress.

The above are not things I blame for the demise of african american culture, just merely the things that further prove how much of a step back our society as a whole is currently taking. Every generation has their problems. Slavery, rights, equality those are just the tip of the iceberg of the stuggles that took decades to overcome and are still overcoming. The difference between then and now is the obvious ignorance of this generations problems now. The fight is no longer us vs. “them”, but is now ironically us vs. “us”. I know I may get many eye rolls and side eyes for my views, but as a person who reads about different cultures and beliefs I see more and more how sad the black race is becoming. We are probably one of very few races who is content with just “being”. We have had MANY accomplishments and milestones that very few have had the abiltity to achieve, but for every high there is a devestating low. Maybe I’m just speaking with no filter. so shoot me. Yes, it’s true, EVERY race has their downfalls…no one on God’s green earth is perfect. But dammit, there has to come a point when blacks come together to form a formidable alliance and not strive to become the most iciest.. BURR wealthy. Wealth is important in terms of influence, but knowledge is key to hold that power.

This rant was sparked by a conversation I had with some friends a couple of weeks ago. We were discussing something small and mundane, probably how devastingly hot it was after being so cold for so long gotta love the East Coast! But we got on the topic of politics and Obama:

Me: Did you read about Obama passing the healthcare bill? ..This is a historical moment for the United States.

Mr. No No: Nah,but I’ve heard bits and pieces.

Me: O ok, so from what you heard how do you feel about it?

Mr. No No: Free is always good…I dont give a damn as long as Obama approves it, I’M GOOD!

Me :side eye: seriously?

I can’t understand for the life of me how someone can know Gucci Mane’s ENTIRE Biographical history and every word to every mixtape he’s ever made, but won’t open a book to research topics that could potentially affect them FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES’ !!! O yea, I know why.

             So in essence, I just find it to be my civic duty to try and push my culture and generation forward and not help in the steady spiral backwards. Even if I affect a handful, its better than destroying the mentality of one.

Does anyone else feel like the images we view on a daily basis are detrimental? Is there any hope left? How do you help to better this generation?

Woman in the Mirror…#2

“He that conceals his grief, finds no remedy for it.

Dante P.,

         It’s almost been a year, and it still feels like Feb.4th was just yesterday. I can still smell your cologne sometimes when I walk through my apartment door after work. Somedays it makes me smile, sometimes it brings to me to my knees in pain. I just erased your phone number from my phone 3 months ago, because I feared that if you texted me I wouldn’t recognize the number. I saved all your text messages so that I could think and cry about all the things we would talk about. If I sit and try I can make myself remember everything verbatim, because in some weird way my worst fear is forgetting anything at all about you. When I first came to the realization that you were gone, it was hard for me to find happiness in anything. I didn’t want to smile. I didn’t want to eat. I did that because I thought that was how you would want it, I thought it would be easier that way. It wasn’t, and now I know you would say “Man, don’t worry about me Chula…I’m good.”

It took me a while to find some sort of closure, I’m writing this letter to you just so you can see that I’m growing. To show you that I DO value the lessons you taught me, and how to control my emotions and feelings to do good and spread it as far as I can. I never had the chance to let you know that how you would tell me you felt for me, I felt the same way. My pride wouldn’t let me admit to you that I had fallen hard. But you being gone has let me know that my pride don’t mean shit when I can’t say those words to you in this lifetime. You were there for me at my lowest point in my life, when no one else..friends or family were there. I constantly feel like I let you down. I wish I would have listened to your cries for help when you would tell me that you were drunk at 8 in the morning. Or when you would want to come to my house just to watch TV for hours with me and Devin. At the time, I thought you were just doing that because you were bored and needed a warm body near you. You weren’t..you were crying out for someone to care. I did..and still do. I treasure those memories with my life, and no one can EVER take those away from me. 

I still wish our last conversation was on good terms. I wish I hadn’t let you leave my house angry and mad at me. I wish when you told me to “value my friendships, bridges burned are hard to repair” I wouldv’e listened. I can’t. It kills me everday that you left this earth with ill feelings of me in your mind and heart. It burns me up that my ego wouldn’t let me admit that you were right, and just to let it go. I’m crying like a baby while typing this. My heart has been heavy for so long, and this is my way of finally letting you know I’m letting the hurt go…finally. For months you would be the first thing I thought of when I woke up, and my last thought before I went to sleep. I was left staring at old pictures and saying the things I wish I would’ve said when you were here. I learned in this last year since you’ve been gone, that you were wise above your years…and hurting so deeply inside. You have taught me the greatest lesson in life. ….I don’t just want you to rest in peace, but to also rest in my heart.

Dante Alexander Paire- Aug.7.1986-Feb.4.2009 

Doing Too Muckin Fuch…

If you aren’t married…WHAT exactly is it that you are doing? That ’tis the question..“Are you doing the MOST?”

I talk to different people on a daily basis, some with different outlooks on life about things that I had never really given much thought before. I try to tell people of my age group to listen closely to older people who try to give advice, because in the end they are almost ALWAYS right in what they say. Odd as it may sound, I DON’T know everything, and yes, maybe….just maybe I dont think as deep in some situations as I should. Relationships for example, I may THINK I know what it is, I may THINK I know how it works, but in my twenty-something years of life: I DON’T. I was sent an email from one of my co workers of a video he saw on youtube..I know, some of you may be rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth, but this crazy unique guy Lewis H Williams III (google him!), had more than a few good points about being in a relationship…or lack thereof. Are you doing the MOST?? Peep the video:

..if you didn’t get a chance to watch it, I can sum up his point for you :

If you’re not married….YOU ARE SINGLE!

               His video made me think about my approach with the opposite species on a WHOLE ‘NOTHA LEVEL…Now, don’t get me wrong I have standards and I always try to think about the intentions of a situation before I waste invest time into it. But this video made what I had been trying to tell my peers for years CRYSTAL effin CLEAR: IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, YOU ARE SINGLE. point blank..period. My generation puts so much effort and energy into the situations that have absolutely NO foundation and are as thin as the piece of paper they use to wipe their poo poo’s with. I couldn’t imagine being over the age of 18 and investing time and energy into a man for 2, 3, or even 4 years with no talks of marriage…no ring…nothing but words. Shacking up? Sharing bills? Playing the claim game? NOT SO MUCH. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a child with a man that I was never married too..we lived together, shared bills…but I have learned from that situation and have chosen to expect alot more from those I associate with, so as not to end up in the same situation again. (Did I mention I wasn’t perfect?) But I know people who will swear up and down they love the person they are living with, but when you ask them when they plan to marry said person that look like someone stuffed their mouth with a rotten pickle. In Lewis’ video the point that made the most sense to me was “casually dating” someone for three months and if the situation isn’t progressing..MOVE ON!. People my age are quick to put their lives on hold for a boyfriend/girlfriend…when in my honest opinion if that person were THAT important they would be married…or atleast planning it in the very near future, otherwise what are you doing???

I am not here to profess that my path is the perfect one, far from it. I am just here to let people mainly women know that if you are settling for crap you are bound to become just that…POO! People, if you’re not married to it…It’s not yours! You can’t claim your Boyfriend/Girlfriend on your taxes. You can’t move in with someone and live with them for years at time and expect for them to wake up one day and decide to marry you. (Unless you’re that one in million :thank you Aaliyah:) If your significant other cheats on you can you get mad? Of course. Do you have reason to? NOPE. Just break-up…after all…your not married.

Any thoughts on this topics? Does ANYONE agree with the fact that GOD only honors marriages? Is it pointless to be in a relationship for years without growth? Am I thinking to out-of-the-box?