Black Girl Rant #6: Like Crabs In A Bucket..

..some would rather kill themselves trying to keep others down, rather than to use that same effort to try to claw to the top with them. A shame.

I was just recently talking to a guy that I had met about 2 years ago. Of course the situation started out great, we just meshed. Or so it seemed. He turned out to be the most draining, needy, and manipulative individual I had ever met in my life. The crazy thing about the situation though was that I just couldn’t seem to leave him alone. He was such a parasite, and I knew it, but I just couldn’t pull myself away from the situation. I couldn’t let it go until finally he said to me over the phone…

I do just enough to keep you around. You’re a really good girl, but you know I ain’t ready to be in a relationship right now…I know I’m fucked up, but I don’t want you to go and find someone else…

o_O    really ninja?

That’s what’s hot in the streets?

Not only did this ignorant ass negroe not want to commit to me, he also was full of sh!t and knew it, AND he didn’t want me to meet someone a real man who would treat me right. Some people have the audacity to believe that their own emotional baggage is more important than anything else in their life, and is important to others as well. He made me laugh that day, and everyday after that. I promptly erased his number and suggested that he never call me again. Not in those words, but you get the point.  No one is ever worth giving up your happiness, you should never give anyone the power to pull you down to their negative level. It took me awhile to realize certain things, but I’m glad I eventually learned. Misery loves company….and when it knocks, I try not to be home.

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Friends: How many of us really have them?

                                        “How many of us have them?”…..#wishfulthinking

It’s that time of year again…SPRING! Eventhough it feels more and more like winter lately, I absolutely love all the activities associated with this time of year..gardening, fairs, beaches, cleaning, humping like rabbits…all necessary duties that are primarily performed during this transitional season. To add to the list of things I enjoy, this is the time of year when I do the most evaluation on the state of my life and where I stand with people. I think this has a great deal to do with the fact that my birthday is in this particular time frame and I absolutely abhore the feeling of being content and complacent. So, while pondering on the relationships or lack thereof  that I have with the many people  in my life I began to think to myself….what is a friend? Do I have people I consider REAL friends? Am I a REAL friend?

Now let me begin by saying that I’ve been called ALOT of things, but among those things I have never been told that I’m a “bad friend”. Now, this is all a matter of preference of course, and what a person would even consider a friend in the first place taken into account. But as I sit thinking about the people I interact with on a regular basis I begin to see different forms and shapes of  what could be a “friend”. I’ve learned some people you tend to keep in your life simply because you have no reason NOT to, others just have to “grow” on you over time. I consider myself to be a pretty understanding person but I’m still learning to be more flexible and realistic when it comes down to what I expect from the people in my life…that’s one of my most blatant flaws, you can’t turn a horse into an elephant, so just learn to ride the horse…(RIGHT?) Not so much.

But, I digress…I came up with a list of the type of friends I’ve discovered I have or have had to come  into contact with at one point in time, good and bad and how I deal with them to keep my sanity…I learn something from every single person, but I always try to remember ” to thine own self be true”….shall we begin?….

First up on the list….

The “Frenemy” is the person who is  really only associated with because of the mutual friends you share. It’s kind of a Lauren/ Heidi situation…#Iheartthehills….you two were probably really good friends at one point and then someone messed up the bond, OR they are just a hater of greatness. Either way, they are just barely tolerable at most. These people probably DO have some great and admirable qualities, but if stuck with said person on an island for any amount of time over an hour…someone’s eyes would be carved out with a spoon.

The “EX” is someone you dated, probably for an extended period of time, and it didnt seem to end with a happily ever..sadly. But, some how grew over time to be the best of friends. I think this type of friendship can be very bittersweet. Not only do you realize how much they TRULY know you as a person and appreciate that, you sadly hear things that shouldnt be shared between people that once dated…i.e. The story about how he cheated on his girlfriend of two years with a stripper…more than once…and didn’t feel bad about it. That sir, makes you a douche bag. Situations like these make me question people’s integrity, which is never a good thing IMO. Atleast it solidifies in my mind that the situation will NEVER transition to anything more than friends EVER again…thank you for the heads up…

The “Bestie” (with no testies) is the person who you would entrust your first born child to, the person who you would donate a kidney too, the person who you would get THEIR face tattoed on YOUR face…okay maybe not. But the key to this is that they are FEMALE (or the same sex if your not a female). I hear females say all the time, ” I don’t have any really close female friends” or ” I dont trust females so all my close friends are male”….thats ignorant.#growthehayleup… I believe its essential for growth as an adult that a person be able to form a close bond with someone of the same sex, that isnt related to them. I am definitely fortunate enough to be able to have a male AND female bestfriend…but I can also honestly say that there are some things that you can do and say with the same sex friend that you can’t with the opposite sex one…thats life.

The “Friend with Perks” is the person that you can sit and watch a basketball game with and then “get a massage” afterwards. This friendship is the most delicate because someone is bound to catch feelings eventually. It’s only natural. Believe it or not, it’s usually the man that catches feelings the hardest in situations like this. Communication is always key though. So just communicate CLEARLY that you are cool enough to swap fluids….just not THAT cool.

The “Happy” Friend is an absolutely essential friend in so many ways its ridiculous.. Some of the BEST advice I have ever recieved came from two of my closest homosexual male friends. Not only was it honest and uncensored, but VERY real. I admire a person who is comfortable being them…with no filler. (No pun) They always gave me excellent advice on what type of clothes accentuate my shape the best and how I could “please” my SigOther in ways I  never would’ve otherwise thought of on my own (ackward much?). I have also found that my homosexual friends in particular will be the absolute LAST friend to ever judge the things you do or say..I guess being judged constantly allows people to make it the first thing to put on the list of things NOT to do. #Takingnotes?

The Seasonal Friend is someone who floats in and out of your life every couple of months and has no real significance…at all. They are similar to a “frenemy” in that the only REAL reason for communication is usually one or more mutual friends or to find out what your doing in your life. These people may call you to go to out to a club with them…and then ignore your calls for the next 6 months. I also refer to these people as “circle hoppers”…just trying to get in where they best see fit with no REAL bond with anyone. See, I didnt even have much to say about them…thats JUST how unimportant they are.

The Facebook Friend– just that. They just help you kill time… If you THOUGHT we were BFF’s go #killyoself.

The Gossip Fountain is the absolute worst friend to have, but everyone has one or more in their life. It’s kind of like watching a car crash..you want to walk away, but something inside of you as a human wants to be a hero and save someone. Want to know who’s pregnant? They do. Want to know who can’t pay their bills? They do. Want to know who got cheated on? Yep, you guessed it. I was told by my father when I was younger that the people who gossip TO you, will eventually gossip ABOUT you. They smile in people’s faces and get in people’s business for the sole purpose of talking about it to everyone that will listen. These people usually have some of the greatest qualities, which is probably why anyone even associates with them at all. But they can NEVER be trusted, every word must be watched out of fear of the info getting into the wrong hands…or ALL hands for that matter. I have just learned that when talking with GF (gossip fountain) you just have to make sure you treat the conversation like you are talking to an audience…because you are. It’s always funny hearing them speak because it oozes with “I’m extremely insecure and have excessively low self-esteem, so I make myself feel better by announcing and discussing in depth all the flaws in other people’s lives…and then smile in their faces like i’m not.” A cold shower and extensive therapy would probably clear that up pretty quickly….”If you’re going to have two faces atleast make one of them pretty.”

– Written by: Ms. If-I-cared-about-your-feelings-I-wouldn’t- Blog-Wade

Did I miss any type of friends? Are you a REAL friend? Do people still value friendships? Is there ever really a standard for someone you consider a friend??

Doing Too Muckin Fuch…

If you aren’t married…WHAT exactly is it that you are doing? That ’tis the question..“Are you doing the MOST?”

I talk to different people on a daily basis, some with different outlooks on life about things that I had never really given much thought before. I try to tell people of my age group to listen closely to older people who try to give advice, because in the end they are almost ALWAYS right in what they say. Odd as it may sound, I DON’T know everything, and yes, maybe….just maybe I dont think as deep in some situations as I should. Relationships for example, I may THINK I know what it is, I may THINK I know how it works, but in my twenty-something years of life: I DON’T. I was sent an email from one of my co workers of a video he saw on youtube..I know, some of you may be rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth, but this crazy unique guy Lewis H Williams III (google him!), had more than a few good points about being in a relationship…or lack thereof. Are you doing the MOST?? Peep the video:

..if you didn’t get a chance to watch it, I can sum up his point for you :

If you’re not married….YOU ARE SINGLE!

               His video made me think about my approach with the opposite species on a WHOLE ‘NOTHA LEVEL…Now, don’t get me wrong I have standards and I always try to think about the intentions of a situation before I waste invest time into it. But this video made what I had been trying to tell my peers for years CRYSTAL effin CLEAR: IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, YOU ARE SINGLE. point blank..period. My generation puts so much effort and energy into the situations that have absolutely NO foundation and are as thin as the piece of paper they use to wipe their poo poo’s with. I couldn’t imagine being over the age of 18 and investing time and energy into a man for 2, 3, or even 4 years with no talks of marriage…no ring…nothing but words. Shacking up? Sharing bills? Playing the claim game? NOT SO MUCH. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a child with a man that I was never married too..we lived together, shared bills…but I have learned from that situation and have chosen to expect alot more from those I associate with, so as not to end up in the same situation again. (Did I mention I wasn’t perfect?) But I know people who will swear up and down they love the person they are living with, but when you ask them when they plan to marry said person that look like someone stuffed their mouth with a rotten pickle. In Lewis’ video the point that made the most sense to me was “casually dating” someone for three months and if the situation isn’t progressing..MOVE ON!. People my age are quick to put their lives on hold for a boyfriend/girlfriend…when in my honest opinion if that person were THAT important they would be married…or atleast planning it in the very near future, otherwise what are you doing???

I am not here to profess that my path is the perfect one, far from it. I am just here to let people mainly women know that if you are settling for crap you are bound to become just that…POO! People, if you’re not married to it…It’s not yours! You can’t claim your Boyfriend/Girlfriend on your taxes. You can’t move in with someone and live with them for years at time and expect for them to wake up one day and decide to marry you. (Unless you’re that one in million :thank you Aaliyah:) If your significant other cheats on you can you get mad? Of course. Do you have reason to? NOPE. Just break-up…after all…your not married.

Any thoughts on this topics? Does ANYONE agree with the fact that GOD only honors marriages? Is it pointless to be in a relationship for years without growth? Am I thinking to out-of-the-box?

Black Girl Rants #1…

“kanye shruggin’ my life away in these streets!”–please note the look on her face..PRICELESS!

SO, this snow storm here in the DMV has been absolutely disastrous if that’s a word I can even use to describe it. Being stuck in the house with 3 other people (including a 2 year old) for 4  days certainly tested my religion sanity and mental capacity. I literally was ready to pull on my snow boots, wrap up in 14 layers of clothing and hitch hike to the nearest mall or restaurant for a very strong drink break/ necessary breather. Besides having to watch the Lifetime channel as if it were going off the air (thanks mom!), I was annoyed with life thanks to my younger brother and his weird friends who decided it would be fun to hide all my “essential feminine hygeine ” items from me to show me how “they” did it back in the day. Who the HECK is “they”. #FML

But I digress. I am so happy to be able to blog without distractions. With this new found freedom from the blizzard I am able to let go of a week’s worth of pent up frustration and aggression, although there are MANY ways to relax I find that writing does something to me that makes me feel like my words have an impact.

With that being said, let me first let all who read my blog know how much I absolutely abhor (google it!) fake people and liars among other things. There is absolutely NO excuse for any person on this planet to pretend to be something they are not for ANY amount of time unless your C. Brown and your alter ego is HULK. I mean truly I feel as though I really dont ask alot of the people that I associate myself with. There are two general rules : Be yourself at all times, and Don’t lie to me. Okay, being yourself at all times may be hard if you truly don’t know WHO you are as a person to begin with. But lying…no bueno. Lying to someone would suggest that you think lesser of their intelligence because you feel as though you will get away with it, which suggests that they wouldnt find out, which would suggest that you are smarter than the person you lied to. So you think I’m dumb now? :neck rolls and hip clutches implied: I have mentioned this before, I hate when people insult my intelligence. Lying to me implies that you are, so please be prepared for a roundhouse kick to the face and I DARE you to cry after I do it!

Which leads to me The Dud..we’ll call him The Dud because according to Yahoo’s definition a Dud is: A broken or nonfunctional device that does not perform its intended function. A  bit harsh? Absolutely. Do I care? Absolutely not. So me and The Dud went out a couple times, hit it off, and sort of clicked if you would. This particular guy basically treated me as if I were the queen of a small island, and then just as quickly, it felt like he left me on the island and then got on the boat and waved at me as he drifted off. #fail. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a very secure female and I feel if a situation doesn’t fit don’t force it. But sometimes the couth of some people amazes me. Instead of being basic, why not have class and dignity in every situation? I guess we all can’t think quick on our feet. Or think at all for that matter. At this age though, I feel like I should NEVER burn bridges or walk away from any situation feeling like I have wronged someone. Karma is THAT bish, and I’m not trying to feel her wrath.  So quickly I realized that he had fallen victim to the Fake1N1 Flu Strand that was running rampant in the DMV. Now, I know it took alot of words to make my point, but the point is BE YOURSELF and BE HONEST about how you feel and what’s on your mind, because at the end of the day you may find that the things that you do to others is a direct reflection of how you may feel about yourself…apparently he didn’t think very highly of himself….or his performance. :sigh:

But ummmm…on to my the rest the things that made my blood pressure rise:

When people say “its the thought that counts”-

      hey guess what?…its NOT the thought that counts. If that were the case I would just think really really hard into a ziplock bag and wrap it in a pretty box with a bow for my mom for the holidays. No bueno. I would probably get judo chopped in the neck, because she is eagerly awaiting her 300 + dollar Coach Purse and matching scarf not the fact that I “thought” about it. Just sayin. 

– The media bashing of Tiger Woods-

     IMO, Tiger isn’t paying my bills, sleeping in my bed, or going half on a baby with me, so his indiscretions don’t change my life in any way. Nor anyone else’s in the world besides his wife. He is a grown man who cheated on his wife over a million times, but he is still an excellent athelete if golf were a sport. Why can’t we just “let him be great”? – Thanks Kanye.

– UGG boots and shorts/skirts in the winter-

     You KNOW your legs are cold. STOP FAKIN! Enough said.

Okay, I feel good about my life now. Please enjoy the rest of your day!

Congratulations…YOU suck!

“awwww…black love infactuation”

SO, maybe im not the easiest person to get along with. Or maybe my attitude ISNT at its best 24/7. Eh, maybe I CAN be a little rude and abbrasive to people when its not warranted. But, aside from all of those things i’ve learned alot from being single black female. IT SUCKS. Now, dont get me wrong, i’m not one of those females who falls into relationships to avoid being single. And lord KNOWs i’m definitely not one to thrive on male attention, or be bitter about past experiences that i’ve gone through with men. No bag lady am I. NOPE.  Behind all of the razor wire and cement lies a huge heart…AWW shut the hell up. And recently I have found someone to make me smile. Not smile like “aww he’s cute”, but really smile because i’m happy. deeply happy….”lol smiley face”. It may sound corny, but not alot of men these days are actual men gentlemen, and even more are in fear of communication. But miraculously I have found those things in this one person and then some. Maybe its a little early to say it will stay this way…but WHATEVS, i’m feeling good about it for now. But the point of this post is DEFINITELY not to gas his head up, but rather to explain some things i’ve learned about myself while going through this whole process of finding someone that makes me smile. He’s slowly melting my heart…Congratulations, YOU SUCK!

#1: Don’t stand in your own way.

Nothing is worse than seeing a female who will do anything to get a mans attention. Sleeping with a guy will definitely NOT make him walk away after humping a late night with you thinking “damn homie, i need to wife her RIGHT NOW!”. Chances are he is thinking the total opposite. Some females should just master being and loving themselves, because in the history of man real has ALWAYS recognized real. ALWAYS. Also, some people should be more optimistic in their lifestyles. Who wants to be with someone who is depressed and miserable all the damn time. I know I don’t, that ish is NOT whats hot in the streets. So please people, step out of the way of yourselves. Let someone break those walls of china down. ASAP.

#2: First impressions ARE important.

Think before you speak. Check your actions. Brush your teeth regularly. Iron your damn clothes! Although these things may sound very obvious, you would be so suprised at the number of people I know who dont know/do this. Whatever the occasion, always be prepared. As sad it may seem people judge you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. How you carry yourself will make a huge impact on how people deal with you. Some people kill me thinking that they can fake and pretend their way into someone liking their personality. Fakeness has the stench of a effin skunk, so before you open your mouth with ish just make sure you brush your teeth afterwards. I commend a man who can be blatantly honest with me about things while still showing compassion (wink wink). It must be a learned skill..lol

#3: Don’t ignore the RED FLAGS!

If a man tells you he doesn’t want a girlfriend, and you know deep down you are looking for a relationship…RUN!

If a man tells you he has a crazy ex, and he can’t leave her alone because of X-Y-Z…RUN!

If he treats his momma like poo…RUN!

If he only calls you between the hours of 10pm-7am to come watch a “movie”…RUN!

Your intuition screams at you when something isn’t right, and more often than not if it doesnt sound/look/feel right it usually isn’t. So drop him like diddy’s pant..Just sayin.

#4: Keep your standards realistic.

Self-explanatory. You can’t walk into a luxury dealership with Hundai money and expect to walk out with a top of the line Bugatti. By no means am I saying settle for anyone with good D looks, I’m just stating that you can only ask for what you are giving. I’ve had so many conversations with females who will only want to date guys with degrees, nice cars, own place, no kids…BUT they stay with big mama, take the bus, and have 3 kids. CAH-RAZY. Enough said.

#5: NO ONE is perfect.

No man/woman is perfect. It’s just a matching game of which personalities fit together the best. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has a past. Judging based on instances that occured before the person met you is so elementary. I live by the mantra “I am perfectly, imperfect”. So either like them or leave them alone. No one is a magical wizard, you CAN NOT change anyone but yourself. Take heed.

Anymore advice for those coping with single life? Did I miss any key elements of mastering the dating game? Does anyone agree with my key points? Is it different for men and women?

To put a ring on it…OR NOT?

 

Put a ring on it??  Eh, NUUH.  (think my wife and kids)

And, thats how I feel about it…straight like that. I’ve had many conversations with males and females alike who either think im the perfect anamoly, or think i’m a crazed maniac. Either way it doesnt matter, i’m me and my views are still valid. If you’re reading this i’m quite sure you seem to think so too. Now, when I say no ring on it, I definitely dont mean I dont ever want to get married ugggh. I am simply stating my disdain for the need of an engagement ring IN ADDITION to a wedding ring. FOOLISHNESS. I’m not cheap by any stretch of the earth, and i’m all for the advocacy of the sentimental value of things people give to prove their love. But, where was it EVER written that an engagement ring was necessary IN ADDITION to a wedding ring in order to solidify a bond between two people? I’ll wait. YEA, exactly. NOWHERE. I have two main reasons for the route of my thinking, they may not be exactly agreeable but just here me out….

#1: Why buy me an engagement ring when i’m expecting a wedding ring anyway?!

Ummm, we’re in recession. People are getting laid off like crazy. Houses are getting foreclosed on left and durn right. If I am in a committed serious relationship with my significant other and we love eachother, its implied that marriage is a fast approaching train. I dont just mean the “oooh girl he loves me” or the “we got a kid” type of implied. SMH. I mean implied as in  he sits down and explains that the rest of his existence wants to be spent with muah. Thats enough for me. It doesnt take much to keep me happy, and a diamond I can wear on my left ring finger to proudly call him my fiance wont change that for me. What the heck is a fiance ANYWAY? I could’ve sworn we were in america and not france. PERSONALLY. If he asked me if I wanted an engagement ring, I would politely say “Nah, boo I dont need that”. Now come here and let me show you how I feel about you 🙂 Why you ask? well, because…

#2 There are SO many other things to spend that money on!

..Like a down payment on our future home. Or put it into a savings account. Or maybe a down payment on our MY future vehicle.  OOOORRR it could even go towards my WEDDING ring. DUH. Or even the dream wedding I’ve always envisioned for that matter. But for someone to spend money on an engagement ring and then turn around and spend money on a wedding ring AND a wedding, thats fratarded…YEA, I said it. FRATARDED. Unless i’m in a relationship with someone who’s income supports and nurtures all that with out being in debt which I highly doubt then why go through all that? Do something that can benefit BOTH of us, and THEN I will happily recieve my wedding ring on my wedding day. I dont need to impress my friends with a token of your love, or be able to introduce you as my fiance. When its all said and done, they dont have an “engaged” line when you file your taxes.    nah N!GGA you are considered..SINGLE! I’m just sayin.You can put a ring on it, after I walk down the aisle.#kanyeshrug

How do you feel about this? Do all ladies feel the same as me? Or are engagement rings a necessity? Men, do you agree? Or do you want to do the traditional thing and buy a ring?

Somebody had to say it..

I have a couple of things to rant about today. Geezus, so much has been going on in this rollercoaster of a life of mine. People coming and going out of craziness, all this crazy ish in the media, the people I meet…..:sigh: But although I see so much, I try so hard to keep my compusure and remain professional at all times, because in reality I am in no position to judge ANYONE. :cough:bullshint:cough: But urrrummm yea..and heeeerrre we go:

Insecure Men/Women-

Why, oh why did someone appoint me the official magnet of wackdom? I mean damn, is there a sticky note on my back attracting all those deemed unworthy of confidence?? I always feel like the wackest men try to date , and the wackest women often hate. Now by wack I mean insecure, and by insecure I mean need to stay-at-home-on-the-couch-sitting-indian-style-watching-bambi-while-eating-popcorn type issues. The issues that make you want to slap them until they black out. YES. I mean really, I personally feel I am too damn old for a guy to be worried about what I’m doing when I’m not in his presence. Not everyone cheats, and if a guy doesnt trust  females based on past experiences, he may need to let his  balls guard drop enough to realize the world is NOT, I repeat, is NOT against him..just me. :jay-z-on to the next one: Females, :sigh:.. its become a trend for females to constantly pick apart a fellow female they see in the club, mall, gas station, eh..even church. Does it make you look anymore attractive than what you did before you talked ish? NOT so much. Does it really matter that her jeans are too tight and she can hardly breathe? NOPE. Does it affect you that she’s wearing a lace front hat wig that talks to you when u look at it too hard cough:beyonce:cough:? NOPE. My point exactly. GROW UP.

Rihanna vs. Chris Brown aka WWIII-

Yes, I watched the damn 20/20 interview. Yes, it further made me realize how much I dislike her. And YES I will STILL buy Graffiti when it comes out in Dec. I’m just gonna keep this short and sweet. FIRST OF ALL, the whole fight that night occured over a TEXT MESSAGE! ..SMH..Which further proves my insecure male/female argument above. i.e grown up! SECOND, I absolutely agree that Chris Brown was 100% wrong for beating that girl the way he did. But like my father told me growing up: you give a lick, you take a lick- and by lick I mean hit (pause) So, if she felt froggy enough to jump up, she got taught a VERY valuable lesson that night….(just sayin)

:drops the mic, and walks away slowly with my middle finger in the air:

Sammy Sosa-

SMH. When Martin Luther King said for all black and white people to come together as one, he definitely didn’t mean in the same body Sammy.No effin words.

Invented Sex Video- Trey Songs aka yes-I-would-anyday-of-the-week!

I would first like to say that I was formerly a bordering Trey Songs fan, due to the fact that he changed alot from when he first came on the scene. But this video…”this ish right heeeere n!gga”….MAN! I commend him as an artist, because he sings beautifully. But I swear I cant watch it more than once in a week. Enough said, I need a cold shower.

SN: the lesson for the day is – 1. Grow up! 2. keep your hands to yourself. 3. BLACK is beautiful 4. Yes, I did. Go ahead, admit it…lol