Black Girl Rant #6: Like Crabs In A Bucket..

..some would rather kill themselves trying to keep others down, rather than to use that same effort to try to claw to the top with them. A shame.

I was just recently talking to a guy that I had met about 2 years ago. Of course the situation started out great, we just meshed. Or so it seemed. He turned out to be the most draining, needy, and manipulative individual I had ever met in my life. The crazy thing about the situation though was that I just couldn’t seem to leave him alone. He was such a parasite, and I knew it, but I just couldn’t pull myself away from the situation. I couldn’t let it go until finally he said to me over the phone…

I do just enough to keep you around. You’re a really good girl, but you know I ain’t ready to be in a relationship right now…I know I’m fucked up, but I don’t want you to go and find someone else…

o_O    really ninja?

That’s what’s hot in the streets?

Not only did this ignorant ass negroe not want to commit to me, he also was full of sh!t and knew it, AND he didn’t want me to meet someone a real man who would treat me right. Some people have the audacity to believe that their own emotional baggage is more important than anything else in their life, and is important to others as well. He made me laugh that day, and everyday after that. I promptly erased his number and suggested that he never call me again. Not in those words, but you get the point.  No one is ever worth giving up your happiness, you should never give anyone the power to pull you down to their negative level. It took me awhile to realize certain things, but I’m glad I eventually learned. Misery loves company….and when it knocks, I try not to be home.

Congratulations…YOU suck!

“awwww…black love infactuation”

SO, maybe im not the easiest person to get along with. Or maybe my attitude ISNT at its best 24/7. Eh, maybe I CAN be a little rude and abbrasive to people when its not warranted. But, aside from all of those things i’ve learned alot from being single black female. IT SUCKS. Now, dont get me wrong, i’m not one of those females who falls into relationships to avoid being single. And lord KNOWs i’m definitely not one to thrive on male attention, or be bitter about past experiences that i’ve gone through with men. No bag lady am I. NOPE.  Behind all of the razor wire and cement lies a huge heart…AWW shut the hell up. And recently I have found someone to make me smile. Not smile like “aww he’s cute”, but really smile because i’m happy. deeply happy….”lol smiley face”. It may sound corny, but not alot of men these days are actual men gentlemen, and even more are in fear of communication. But miraculously I have found those things in this one person and then some. Maybe its a little early to say it will stay this way…but WHATEVS, i’m feeling good about it for now. But the point of this post is DEFINITELY not to gas his head up, but rather to explain some things i’ve learned about myself while going through this whole process of finding someone that makes me smile. He’s slowly melting my heart…Congratulations, YOU SUCK!

#1: Don’t stand in your own way.

Nothing is worse than seeing a female who will do anything to get a mans attention. Sleeping with a guy will definitely NOT make him walk away after humping a late night with you thinking “damn homie, i need to wife her RIGHT NOW!”. Chances are he is thinking the total opposite. Some females should just master being and loving themselves, because in the history of man real has ALWAYS recognized real. ALWAYS. Also, some people should be more optimistic in their lifestyles. Who wants to be with someone who is depressed and miserable all the damn time. I know I don’t, that ish is NOT whats hot in the streets. So please people, step out of the way of yourselves. Let someone break those walls of china down. ASAP.

#2: First impressions ARE important.

Think before you speak. Check your actions. Brush your teeth regularly. Iron your damn clothes! Although these things may sound very obvious, you would be so suprised at the number of people I know who dont know/do this. Whatever the occasion, always be prepared. As sad it may seem people judge you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. How you carry yourself will make a huge impact on how people deal with you. Some people kill me thinking that they can fake and pretend their way into someone liking their personality. Fakeness has the stench of a effin skunk, so before you open your mouth with ish just make sure you brush your teeth afterwards. I commend a man who can be blatantly honest with me about things while still showing compassion (wink wink). It must be a learned skill..lol

#3: Don’t ignore the RED FLAGS!

If a man tells you he doesn’t want a girlfriend, and you know deep down you are looking for a relationship…RUN!

If a man tells you he has a crazy ex, and he can’t leave her alone because of X-Y-Z…RUN!

If he treats his momma like poo…RUN!

If he only calls you between the hours of 10pm-7am to come watch a “movie”…RUN!

Your intuition screams at you when something isn’t right, and more often than not if it doesnt sound/look/feel right it usually isn’t. So drop him like diddy’s pant..Just sayin.

#4: Keep your standards realistic.

Self-explanatory. You can’t walk into a luxury dealership with Hundai money and expect to walk out with a top of the line Bugatti. By no means am I saying settle for anyone with good D looks, I’m just stating that you can only ask for what you are giving. I’ve had so many conversations with females who will only want to date guys with degrees, nice cars, own place, no kids…BUT they stay with big mama, take the bus, and have 3 kids. CAH-RAZY. Enough said.

#5: NO ONE is perfect.

No man/woman is perfect. It’s just a matching game of which personalities fit together the best. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has a past. Judging based on instances that occured before the person met you is so elementary. I live by the mantra “I am perfectly, imperfect”. So either like them or leave them alone. No one is a magical wizard, you CAN NOT change anyone but yourself. Take heed.

Anymore advice for those coping with single life? Did I miss any key elements of mastering the dating game? Does anyone agree with my key points? Is it different for men and women?

If only you knew…and more.

I have so many diverse conversations with different people every day. At work is the more professional, work environment type, at home with my friends is the more home-girl-on-the-block-hand-me-a-brewski type, and with the parents is the innocent angel type of conversation. But, what I have discovered is that no matter who I am having the conversation with the same comments and situations still sneak and slither their way into dialogue. Yes, in very different ways, but still occur at some point in the conversation nonetheless. I am not writing this to offend anyone, but only to address my observations in everyday life. I just dont understand our society anymore…SMH.  

PET PEEVE #1: People who insult my damn intelligence.

While at work:

Me: So I’m thinking about buying a house, I’m so tired of renting and the housing market is looking good right now.

Know-it-all: Oh really, where are you looking to buy ? In the (insert VERY low income neighborhood) area?

Me: Actually, I was looking in (insert upper middle class neighborhood), I don’t want to settle for just anything, and I’ve saved a lot so I deserve it.

Know-it-all: OH REALLY?  Wow, I have a 2nd cousin once removed who lives in that exact area, they just bought a home over there recently.  Those homes ARE pretty nice. But, uuum are  sure you can afford that by yourself? I mean maybe you should try looking  in a less expensive area. (smirk) I’m just sayin…

Me:    sigh:SIDE EYE: (at this point I was trying hard not stab this person in the face with a    pencil) Yea,  I think I got this. Now shut the hell up with your dumbass!  I’ve done my research already…muthaflucka.

I am sure everyone reading this has come into contact with a dumbass person who thought they knew everything about EVERYTHING! I mean really, who installed that encyclopedia chip in your head at birth?! I need one ASAP! And secondly, instead of trying to undermine my future endeavors, would it hurt you to just say goodluck?..People try hard to overthink , and undercut  others when they are insecure of their own situations. I just don’t understand people now a days..I just don’t get it.

 

PET PEEVE #2: Liars

While relaxing with a potential new boo:

Me: I see you got a new tattoo on your chest. That’s nice…what does SNB stand for?

Mr-not-so-slick-fox: Oh, umm that? That’s just my grandmother’s initials.

Me: Aww, that’s so sweet!

Mr-not-so-slick-fox: yea…oh yea…you know how I do. (smile)

No sir. I DON’T know how you do… So, two weeks later I find out through a mutual friend that those letters on his chest…yea…his “ex” girlfriend’s initials. Yea. I still don’t understand for the life of me, how this dumbass person had the audacity to not only get another person’s initials (not in his family) tattooed on his body, not to mention his “exes” initials, AND THEN try to be all up under me as if the situation was kosher. Actually, I can understand. I retract that statement. See, the problem with guys is that instead of being upfront about the situation in the beginning, they like to  prolong the drama. At least give ME the option as to whether or not I want to still let you take me out for drinks. Me and homeboy could’ve  chucked the deuces two weeks earlier. He probably also could’ve saved the embarrassment of finding out the mutual friend was banging his “ex” by not getting the tattoo at all..he who laughs last…

PET PEEVE #3: Guys who measure my beauty by my skin color.

Mr-ignorant: You are sexy, and you have a beautiful face for a dark skinned girl..

Me: Gee…thanks. (as I walk away while giving him the finger)

Mr-ignorant: Shit.

If there is one thing I hate about our generation it’s the fact that we break each other down by skin color even more than was seen 30 or 40 years ago. I think the comment made by Young Berg about his dislike for “dark-butts” …coonery at its finest, made the situation come to light even more for me. It’s disgusting to think that some guys look at a group of females and single out the dark skinned from the light skinned ones. Beauty is beauty, no matter the shade…or lack thereof. When will these niggas men realize that although the outside looks likes platinum, inside may just be aluminum foil… But I guess real recognize real, so where are the MEN who appreciate a real WOMAN, and not just a shade of color?