If only you knew…and more.

I have so many diverse conversations with different people every day. At work is the more professional, work environment type, at home with my friends is the more home-girl-on-the-block-hand-me-a-brewski type, and with the parents is the innocent angel type of conversation. But, what I have discovered is that no matter who I am having the conversation with the same comments and situations still sneak and slither their way into dialogue. Yes, in very different ways, but still occur at some point in the conversation nonetheless. I am not writing this to offend anyone, but only to address my observations in everyday life. I just dont understand our society anymore…SMH.  

PET PEEVE #1: People who insult my damn intelligence.

While at work:

Me: So I’m thinking about buying a house, I’m so tired of renting and the housing market is looking good right now.

Know-it-all: Oh really, where are you looking to buy ? In the (insert VERY low income neighborhood) area?

Me: Actually, I was looking in (insert upper middle class neighborhood), I don’t want to settle for just anything, and I’ve saved a lot so I deserve it.

Know-it-all: OH REALLY?  Wow, I have a 2^nd cousin once removed who lives in that exact area, they just bought a home over there recently.  Those homes ARE pretty nice. But, uuum are  sure you can afford that by yourself? I mean maybe you should try looking  in a less expensive area. (smirk) I’m just sayin…

Me:    sigh:SIDE EYE: (at this point I was trying hard not stab this person in the face with a    pencil) Yea,  I think I got this. Now shut the hell up with your dumbass!  I’ve done my research already…muthaflucka.

I am sure everyone reading this has come into contact with a dumbass person who thought they knew everything about EVERYTHING! I mean really, who installed that encyclopedia chip in your head at birth?! I need one ASAP! And secondly, instead of trying to undermine my future endeavors, would it hurt you to just say goodluck?..People try hard to overthink , and undercut  others when they are insecure of their own situations. I just don’t understand people now a days..I just don’t get it.

 

PET PEEVE #2: Liars

While relaxing with a potential new boo:

Me: I see you got a new tattoo on your chest. That’s nice…what does SNB stand for?

Mr-not-so-slick-fox: Oh, umm that? That’s just my grandmother’s initials.

Me: Aww, that’s so sweet!

Mr-not-so-slick-fox: yea…oh yea…you know how I do. (smile)

No sir. I DON’T know how you do… So, two weeks later I find out through a mutual friend that those letters on his chest…yea…his “ex” girlfriend’s initials. Yea. I still don’t understand for the life of me, how this dumbass person had the audacity to not only get another person’s initials (not in his family) tattooed on his body, not to mention his “exes” initials, AND THEN try to be all up under me as if the situation was kosher. Actually, I can understand. I retract that statement. See, the problem with guys is that instead of being upfront about the situation in the beginning, they like to  prolong the drama. At least give ME the option as to whether or not I want to still let you take me out for drinks. Me and homeboy could’ve  chucked the deuces two weeks earlier. He probably also could’ve saved the embarrassment of finding out the mutual friend was banging his “ex” by not getting the tattoo at all..he who laughs last…

PET PEEVE #3: Guys who measure my beauty by my skin color.

Mr-ignorant: You are sexy, and you have a beautiful face for a dark skinned girl..

Me: Gee…thanks. (as I walk away while giving him the finger)

Mr-ignorant: Shit.

If there is one thing I hate about our generation it’s the fact that we break each other down by skin color even more than was seen 30 or 40 years ago. I think the comment made by Young Berg about his dislike for “dark-butts” …coonery at its finest, made the situation come to light even more for me. It’s disgusting to think that some guys look at a group of females and single out the dark skinned from the light skinned ones. Beauty is beauty, no matter the shade…or lack thereof. When will these niggas men realize that although the outside looks likes platinum, inside may just be aluminum foil… But I guess real recognize real, so where are the MEN who appreciate a real WOMAN, and not just a shade of color?

Woman in the Mirror..

photo courtesy: murmurdc.com

:these are my hands!! i was so proud when i saw them on this site!:

 

 

I love to smile. I despise liars. I pretend to not care about people, because deep inside I care too much. I am very emotional. My son is the reason why I am breathing today. My trials do not hender my growth. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I am a horrible driver. I love FOOD. Not eating when i’m hungry makes me mad. I have a horrible temper. I hate losing. Driving in DMV traffic is worse than child birth. I hate being judged. I despise hypocrites. Deep inside I am A HUGE nerd. I pretend to be a bully so that the real bullies wont pick on me. I fear dying alone. I am a nurturer. I hide behind my laughter. I love to see people laugh. I have a horrible shopping addiction. Seriously, it’s really bad. I believe in happily ever afters. I paint/draw to stop from crying sometimes. I am usually on the verge of tears before I go to sleep at night. I kiss my son a million times a day. I make to do lists for everything. I love the smell of lysol. I love sushi. I abhore bugs. I miss my childhood. I would be lost without my parents wisdom. My brother has grown to be my bestfriend. I regret absolutely nothing in my life. I watch other’s mistakes, and sometimes repeat them. I’m stubborn. I love to cook. I have very old fashioned ideals when it comes to relationships. I have never cheated in a relationship. I am honest to the point of being too aggressive. I have been told I should smile more. I did not vote for Obama. I  believe in angels. I admire my mom. I hate being analyzed by people who dont matter. I am afraid of my own thoughts. I have never been outside of the US. I love learning. I think people who hate kids hated their childhood. I adore fashion and design. I am very intellectual. I like to go on pointless walks. My dad tells me i’m beautiful everytime we talk. I am glad i have outgrown some people from highschool. The ones i still talk to I treasure like gold.  I work on computers. I have a not so secret facination with reality shows. I think Jon and Kate should be banned from society. I dont want to have anymore children. I am afraid of commitment. Thinking of death gives me anxiety. I hate when people use racism as a crutch. Gay people have it worse than anyone. I love being in the city. I hate sloppy drunks. And loud people. And people with no home training. If i ever get married, it will be forever. I refuse to settle, on anything. I am wise for my age.  I transferred from VUU because i value my education, and pockets…SORRY VUU GRADS! I sometimes pretend to not know things so I dont look like too much of a nerd. I enjoy very different genres of music. I forgive, but never forget. Having a baby is NOT the reason  I left college..(nosey idiots). I curse like a fuckin sailor. I read atleast 2 books per month. I like to surround myself with positive people. I think people who lie to keep me around are draining. I am a huge procrastinator. I believe i can achieve anything. Everything I do, I do for some reason. Either love me, or leave me alone.

SN: This has helped me to analyze who I am, I saw this on my friend http://ischeherazade.wordpress.com blog page. I admire the fact that she inspired me to do this. I feel like she is definitely a person I can get honest advice and words from… And whether she knows it or not I believe she is one of the most genuine people I know. I encourage all who read this post to do the same…you might learn a thing or two from staring at the man/woman in the mirror.

Death…it happens.

So, i was really messed up a couple of months ago…it feels like people keep leaving my life..constantly…as if i ALREADY didnt have commitment problems…and seperation problems…and anxiety problems. BLAH BLAH BLAH

and as if i ALREADY didnt have enough to grieve over and bury inside for eternity..i had to get a phonecall and go find on the internet in april- “Man Found Dead After Police Standoff in Clinton, Maryland”…wow, REALLY…my uncle couldn’t take it anymore…lost it. GONE. Not even 3 months earlier in february…i find on the status of someones page on facebook  the internet of all places…and once again i read in the washington post.com -“D.C. firefighter wounds 3, kills self”… one would say i have very bad luck as usual…others would say it was for me to gain more wisdom…well, i say its a sign…what sign u ask?…i sign that i should value those around me, treasure every waking moment, and remain a strong relationship with God and others…it’s hard to mourn…and even worst to try and come to terms with the fact that there were words that should have been expressed…and ways i wouldve showed how much you cared….this is hard…very hard…and no words could EVER express how i feel right now…EVER..All i can do is my life the best way i know how. I appreciate EVERYONE, friend or foe…especially the “HATERS”..i need you, and breathe you…like air…lol. But seriously. NO seriously, everything in life happens for a reason. So this was my reason.

SN: R.I.P.: Dante Paire (8/7/1986-2/4/2009)…and Andre Hawkins you will forever remain in my heart…
“A rose without thorns is like love without heartbreak; it doesn’t make sense.”
— Author Unknown

I am no fool…but YOU might be

Another reflection in the mirror…
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything.”

Never- i repeat NEVER…do i expect anyone to act out of character in order to talk to or date me..the most essential part of any person is their true self…and i expect nothing less. But i also NEVER want my intelligence insulted. A major part of maturing is being able to fully assess a situation without bias due to ignorances. i.e, dont tell me the grass is blue…when clearly we can both see that its green….and to add to that, dont get mad at me if i dont believe you! I hate that i fall for the most needy ppl…the ppl who NEED to have ppl around them, and NEED to have someone show them affection and love with no return. i feel like i’m very secure in my skin…secure enough to acknowledge that i have standards…in life, in relationships, in my career….i have a bar that i have set for myself and where it is that i want to go…as should everyone. And some ppl feel that if they dont meet that bar, that they should lie and pretend as if they do. (fake it till you make it)… But remember, everything that happens in the dark soon comes to light….and that is all…i will be collecting my check in the morning…BEETCHES!

SN: PLEASE dont be mad that i feel like i have to protect myself and my assets….life is just that…LIFE. But we can still facebook chat 😉 (HA!)..dumb arse.

Inspiration

The majority of the inspiration for my writing, is purely my wanting to visualize my thoughts, concerns, and opinions about the world that i am currently surrounded by [regardless of how you may feel about it]. As sad as the circumstances may sometimes seem, it’s always refreshing to look at things in many perspectives. Not only do I believe that change [em] is coming but i can feel it. Kind of. Yea nah, not really. The opinions and thoughts in my writing are purely reflective of how I may be feeling at any particular moment through my own eyes. The things written are not to offend, blame, or degrade anyone reading . [yes, this is necessary for the punk asses]. Enjoy. Or not.